The Crying Game

Are you a new mother looking for a laugh? I was reading Parents Magazine and saw this “guide to your baby’s outbursts” and it made me snicker and want to check out this new book “To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers“.

I remember the days of holding my sweet yet crying babies who would sometimes cry long after I ran through the standard checklist to determine a cause.

Mine have moved on to perfecting the art of the whine but they are not above a crying fit to show they are still in the game. My 5-year-old daughter can expertly go from laughing out loud to break-down-on-both-knees-soap-opera-ugly-cry over any perceived injustice. I recently marvelled at this skill and wondered if she had a future in daytime soaps.

My 3-year-old son can outcry her any day, any time with his longevity and lung capacity. He has a future in a sport where holding your breath for long periods is required because he can cry and not come up for air for a while.

Sometimes you just need a good cry. I have said this to my children, verbatim, numerous times because it’s true. If you are looking for a potential reason why your baby is crying, then look no further. It’s likely one of the 25 reasons below.

Here’s a guide to your babies outbursts. When I read this, I imagined one of mine as babies saying these things in their little heads and this thought cracked me up! What is the silliest thing your child has cried about recently? Happy crying, Smarties!

Cry 1 – I’m hungry.
Cry 2 – I’m tired.
Cry 3 – I have a gas bubble.
Cry 4 – My diaper needs to be changed.
Cry 5 – Something scared me.
Cry 6 – I have an ear infection.
Cry 7 – I miss you.
Cry 8 – I have a diaper rash.
Cry 9 – You took away something that was interesting to me.
Cry 10 – You took away something that was comforting to me.
Cry 11 – Life is stressing me out, and I’m only in Year 1.
Cry 12 – Broccoli tastes like feet.
Cry 13 – Daddy sang too loud.
Cry 14 – You almost dropped me.
Cry 15 – It’s too dark.
Cry 16 – It’s too light.
Cry 17 – I know you’re never gonna let me get a nose piercing.
Cry 18 – I’m understimulated.
Cry 19 – I’m overstimulated.
Cry 20 – I wish we had a dog.
Cry 21 – I feel disappointed in you for reasons I’m having trouble articulating.
Cry 22 – No more DAN ZANES!!
Cry 23 – I poked myself in the eye.
Cry 24 – Global warming.
Cry 25 – No reason. I just like to @#$% with ya.