I am the mom of a little boy. So that means when he has to go to the bathroom while we are out in public, he gets hauled into the Ladies Room with me. Now he’s almost six and lately, I’ve become very self conscious about bringing him in there with me. It’s not like he sees anything … or even thinks anything about it himself … I’m just more concerned about what the other women in there may think. Then I read Rachel’s post on TSP and about busted a gut! She NAILED exactly what I had been thinking!
Here’s my dilemma: In a high traffic public place (the mall, airport, sporting event), I do not feel comfortable letting a 5 year old go into the bathroom by himself. Who knows who else is in there??? Probably totally safe, but still! Also, he occasionally still needs help every once in a while. Now, in a smaller setting, like a family restaurant or even a fast food joint – totally fine for me to send him on his way while I hover just outside the door. He actually really enjoys the independence. For all other time – I usually try and scout out the “family” bathrooms and of course, if daddy is with us, problem solved!
I think this dilemma is actually more easily solved for a boy than a girl. When I now think of my 1-½ year old daughter and turn the tables …… what does daddy do when he’s out in public with her by himself??? All I have to say is GROSS! Men’s restrooms totally gross me out – not like I’ve spent any time in one (unless you count college bars when the line for the girls bathroom was WAY too long), but the thought of my little girl even going near one freaks me out. Urinals. That’s all I’m going to say! Please share – if you have a little girl, how do you handle this situation??
So now that we’re on the topic – there are other things I’ve started to wonder “How old is too old?” Like taking a bath with a sibling of the opposite sex? We bathed Ryanne in the kitchen sink until she was almost a year old, and Jake mostly takes showers now. So one of the first time she and Jake took a bath together, she became instantly fascinated with his little bobbing you-know-what and tried to yank it!! Jake thought it was funny, but little did he know that would be the last bath he got to take with her! Done.
How old is too old to…
Shower with mom or dad?
See their parents in the buff?
Call parents by “Mommy” and “Daddy” vs just “Mom” and “Dad”?
Use a sippy cup?
Still ride a bike with training wheels?
Have mom or dad cut up their food?
Have bed rails on their bed?
Wear diapers … even at night?
Play at Monkey Joe’s?
Watch Barney?
Wear smocked clothes?
Use a pacifier?
Ride in a stroller?
Trick or treat?
Rock a child to sleep?
Now before everyone goes and adds your two cents (because I know you want to!), keep in mind, some of these might might be a little touchy and I know some readers will get very opinionated about them. So please keep your comments nice and respect the views of others. After all, some of us really do have justifiable reasons behind why we do things! This also goes for children who have special needs. There are often times where they may need extra help and should not be judged. Now – let us know what you think – How Old Is Too Old?
10 comments
I don't think any woman in a women's restroom would ever think twice about a mom taking her son to potty. I wouldn't sweat that for a minute. Now, dad's taking their little girls to the boys room is a tough one. We've never figured that out. He just prays for a "family restroom."
Well I will have to come back and add my two cents on the other topics. But I recently went to the bathroom in Target by myself and there was a man in the womens restroom, totally freaked me out. I told security, but that just made me rethink letting my 8 yr old girl and 7 yr old boy go to the bathroom by themselves!! I was starting to let them go, but that guy was creepy looking and I am sure he was up to no good.
As a parent, I don't think you can ever be too cautious about your child. My son is seven and I still bring him in the bathroom with me most of the time. There are times when I will let him go into the men's restroom but I will look to see if the door is vented – this allows you to hear what is going on inside and I typically will talk to him a couple times to make sure he is okay. Unfortunately, the world we live in today doesn't afford us the freedoms we had when we were young.I too have questions about how old is too old for siblings to bathe together or for parents to change in front of the child. I don't intentionally change in front of them, but my children are constantly running in and out of our room! I'm sure most moms feel the only privacy they get is in the bathroom and sometimes not even there!
Love this topic, you know I've got some crazy opinions of my own:-Shower w/Mom & Dad? when they start yanking on stuff or really staring, it's time for same sex showers.-See parents in the buff? I think this is fine, it's not like you're going to parade around the house nudey. I grew up terrified of locker rooms by 9th grade b/c I didn't want anyone to see me naked – so I just want my kids to be comfy in their own skin. So cruisin' nudey in your bedroom while getting dressed is fine w/me.-I will cry a river when I turn into "Mom" all the time – I don't think they're ever too old to call me mommy, but I know the day will come and I will not say a word, just might shed some tears after I send them on their way:-)-Sippy cup? I have 3 extremely coordinated kids and one PIGPEN! It drives me crazy b/c she spills her drinks at every sitting and she's way too old for a sippy cup. So I found the perfect solution – Tervis Tumbler kids cups with spill proof lids (that you can use, or not). BPA-free, http://www.tervis.com or Alphabet Soup has some and this great woman sells them out of her house, Paige Pond. They have changed my dinner time routine – no more crying over spilled milk!-Training wheels? This also depends on the child. My oldest rode on two wheels when she was 4, but she's competitive as all getout! My second one who is 6 1/2 JUST learned on New Year's Day. They'll let you know when they feel like doing this. I wouldn't make a fuss at all, just support them when they show interest.-Cut up food? Again, let your child guide you. I think a natural age on this is 5 or 6, when they are in kindergarten and really show their independence.-Bed rails – once they are acclimated in their big boy bed, set them free. Unless of course they are on the top bunk, in which case, you're crazy to let them sleep up there until they are at least 6!-Diapers at night? Varies by child. My oldest had a harder time getting through this and didn't truly succeed at night until she was 4 1/2. My second did it right out of the gate when she was potty trained by 3. My twins – this is out of pure laziness – but I still have them in diapers at night and they will be 4 next month. I think we could easily make the transition, but I get tired of changing sheets, double!-Smocked clothes – this most often depends on your hubby's taste and if you grew up in the South. To me, there is nothing more precious than that seersucker smocked john-john on a baby, peep this line: http://www.shrimpandgritskids.com/Smocked_Gator_Golf_Shortall_p/-asterisk-340.htm.But some hubby's cut you off at 1 year, I was able to drag mine out until they were 2. My official rule on john/johns is based on functionality – if they are potty-training at 2, then no more snaps on the longalls or shortalls. It's time to promote them to applique tees and madras shorts:-) For girls, they'll tell you when they think it's too "baby". Mine boycotted smocked dresses at age 5.-Paci? I think there is way too much emphasis on this debate. Let 'em be a kid! Your child will let you know when she's ready. I would encourage you to keep it to the crib and car rides though. I used to hate it when my daughter tried to talk through her pacis. What do you think about thumbsucking? 3 of my 4 do this and I think that's why we're throwing up all the time!-strollers are for moms – no need to put an age limit on this! If it's too hard for you to push, then kick 'em out! Sometimes my 8-year-old will jump in and she thinks this is too funny!-Trick-or-treat – probably 12. Not there yet. -Rock a child to sleep? Read the book "I'll love you forever" by Robert Munsch. You are never to old to love on your babies:-)
Forgot to address the how old is too old in the public bathrooms. I agree with the above comments. You can't ever be too cautious these days. There are so many F-R-E-A-K-S out there. I've had my share of run ins, even at normal lunch restaurants like Moe's. So I may be over-protective, but if my boys are with me, then they are going in the chick-a-dee bathroom, period. When they are 10 or 11, maybe I'll change my mind. Or maybe 9, not sure. But I certainly wouldn't let my 8-year-old go into a dudes bathroom. Why do guys have open urinals anyway? I'm sure nobody wants to see your package. Get some privacy! I guess when Ansley is with her daddy, she can go to the women's bathroom – it's safe to say there aren't as many women predators in bathrooms, but never say never.
Food for thought…I'm a former teacher and on field trips would send the boys (age 6) into the bathroom alone. I had no choice, I'm a female and it would have been HIGHLY inappropriate for me to be in the bathroom with them. As much as we want to protect our babies forever we do need to teach independence and what to do when a "freak" comes along. Some of these topics makes me think of helicopter parenting and how it can actually hurt children in the long run. That's not to say we shouldn't supervise and protect them. As for the nudity and bathing topics – that's a tough one. I would like to hear what a psychologist has to say. I agree with Jen – strollers are for the mom, who really cares how old the child is. I feel that way about the pacifier and sippy cup as well. I like to think us moms are doing our best and to judge others on little things like that (including smocked clothing) is just wrong. And when I'm sick or feeling down and my mom comes to help out I still like her to "rock" me (more like snuggle up). I don't think you ever get too old for that.
Had to laugh at the Helicopter Parenting comment. I have two friends who are SO helicopter it is crazy! I do not think they have any idea how much this hurts kids in the long run.
About the bathroom… I WOULD NEVER judge a mother who brought her son into a bathroom.. I am a mother of boys and their safety is my responsibility. Who cares what other people think. Shower with mom or dad.. When they start pulling or poking!See their parents in the buff? until it's uncomfortable with the kids.. believe me they'll get grossed out soon enough.Call parents by “Mommy” and “Daddy” vs just “Mom” and “Dad”? Don't think you should ever put a limit on this.. this is the child's decision.Use a sippy cup? as long as you want for your sanityStill ride a bike with training wheels? again, child's decision.Have mom or dad cut up their food? until their fine motor is strong enough.Have bed rails on their bed? until they are acclimatedWear diapers … even at night? when their bladder is mature enough to hold it all night. each child is differentPlay at Monkey Joe’s? never too old..Watch Barney? are you kidding??? why would you even ask that.. When ever they want to stop.Wear smocked clothes? Boys NEVER.. I was born and raised in the south and find it humiliating for little boys to wear such atrocities.Use a pacifier? As long as it will keep you sane.Ride in a stroller? For the moms.. Who cares how old.Trick or treat? Why would you limit this? Children's maturity levels are all different.Rock a child to sleep? FOREVER…
To the question about sending kids to the bathroom- one suggestion is to send the child in when no one else is in there. There's nothing wrong with opening the door and asking if there is someone in there first, or standing outside the door to make sure no one else goes in until your child is done. That is even what we do at my church, and we tell the adults its for their safety as well as the child's!
My husband took my daughter into men's rooms until she was almost 5. He said he never had a reaction from anybody or from her. Just straight to a stall and then wash hands and out quickly.He said all you can see is the backs of guys using a urinal, anyway. It isn't out in full view for all to see. And she still needed some help until then.