I had dinner with a friend this past weekend that I hadn’t seen in about a month. The minute I walked through her front door I knew she was pregnant! No words needed to be spoken, I just KNEW! I guess it’s that sixth sense us mommies have that we can always tell when a woman is preggers. So when she finally spilled the beans over dinner, I excitedly shared in her news and told her I could tell from the moment I first saw her. Panic briefly crossed her face as she asked HOW did I know?? Was she showing already? She had not told work yet and wasn’t sure if she was officially ready to. Were they able to pick up on it as well? I assured her I could only tell because I know her so well and could see the happy pregnancy glow written all over her face. But it does raise the question of when is the right time to tell the people you work with that you’re pregnant. Depending on your situation, that’s not always an easy answer.
When I was pregnant the first time, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I got pregnant almost right away and was relatively naïve to fertility challenges and miscarriages. I thought, “I’m healthy … do I really need to wait 12 weeks before I start telling people”? My husband felt pretty strongly about that so we kept our happy news to ourselves for the time being. However, morning sickness set in hard and I thought for sure everyone around me all day at work would suspect something. So when my boss (who also happened to be a friend of mine) was worried about me one day when I looked like I was going to pass out in a staff meeting, I couldn’t contain my news any longer. It was actually a relief to tell her. Then when one of our male co-workers asked her if I had been eating too many Girl Scout cookies, I knew it was time to let everyone else know.
The second time around … things were a bit different. It took us much longer to conceive, I was now considered “high risk” because of my age, and I was much wiser to the heartaches friends and family had faced with miscarriages. This time I really didn’t want anyone at work to know until I was ready … at a large company, word spreads fast so I wanted to be sure before it got out. The challenge however with a second pregnancy – which I’m sure many of you can relate to – is that it is MUCH harder to hide that little belly bump that wants to pop out right away! I swear I started showing the day after I peed on the stick!!! Plus, I was traveling a lot and with travel typically comes drinks with your co-workers! I got creative in both my wardrobe as well as how to order a vodka tonic, hold the vodka. And my morning … I mean ALL DAY … sickness was 10 times worse this go around. So I ended up confiding in a few close friends at work and somehow managed to hold off telling my boss and the masses until around 11 weeks. We were on a business trip and I ordered a non-alcoholic beer with dinner but discreetly asked the waiter to pour it in a glass before bringing to the table. What I didn’t realize is that when the bill came to my boss (who used to work in the beer industry by the way), it clearly stated the name of that non-alcoholic beer right there for him to see. Busted!
So, what about you – how did you handle this delicate situation? Did all go as planned or did you end up getting busted like I did? Tell us your funny stories!
10 comments
I told at 12 weeks. I had had a miscarriage before and had told some people WAY early, so I was very hesitant the next go around.
We did IVF and I was VERY paranoid about the pregnancy. So we waited 12 weeks.
I told work about 14 weeks. I had friends who told early and miscarried so I knew I wanted to wait as long as human possible. I did not tell anyone and had fake drinks and fake sips of wine!
My feelings are work doesn’t need to know until absolutely necessary as it’s a private matter. Tell them a month or two before you plan to go out so they can make plans accordingly. They do not need to know 6/7 months in advance unless you just feel like telling them.
but isn’t that weird if you’re showing but haven’t said anything to the people you work with?? won’t they figure it out and then it becomes all awkward …
I think some of it depends on what kind of work you do. There is no way I could have waited until the 7 month to tell people. My maternity leaves impacts my clients and my firm and I owe it to them to give them notice to plan accordingly. I want to have their loyalty so I can work for them upon my return. It is a private matter, but it is alos a respect issue to let your employer know so they can make accomodations.
I tried to keep it a secret, but some early complications led to several doctors appointments. It was pretty hard to hide it after that, especially in an office that is on constant baby bump watch!
I told at 12 weeks – especially since I was so sick from all day ‘morning’ sickness (plus I had already started to ‘pop’). Only a good girlfriend knew before the 12 week mark.
To each his own of when you want to tell your employer but it def. isn’t a must of doing it early on. I work in HR and you aren’t allowed to ask so yes it’s a courtesy but they only required to tell us if they are going out on leave. Many wait a long time to tell.
Well I guess I am different than most, but I always tell my close friends and family right away. After we lost our twin girls at 16 weeks, it took us about 5 months to get pg again and we were not sure when we should tell everyone. We decided that we wanted everyone to know right away again, we received some much support when I had my D&E and we knew if we were to miscarry again, we would all the support again. I also wanted them to all pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy for us. We ended being told we were going to miscarry my daughter as well, due to the complications I was having at 7 weeks, and we had all the prayers and support that we needed to get us though those tough times. Just my two cents on the subject.JenniferMom to Alexis, AJ, Carson & Dylan