The Gift of Failure seems like a terrible gift. Who wants to be on the receiving end of the proverbial “buzzer beater” in any kind of sporting match? Who wants to bomb an unexpected quiz or get knocked out of the Ga Ga pit? Or even worse, who wants to work hard on something and come up short—whether it is making a team, earning a solo, or writing a paper?
At first, I was a little surprised when I learned our parents at Charlotte Latin had selected Jessica Lahey’s book, The Gift of Failure
, as the parent education read of the year. I would have been less surprised if our teachers had made the selection and not because we teachers and coaches want to see children fail. We just know, from experience, students have the incredible ability to rebound from most all setbacks. As a hockey coach, I see players struggle with key concepts and become frustrated by lack of playing time. Also, I have seen when a player seeks the truth and feels support, she can unlock the mystery of the game and reach her desired goals. I know that sports simulate the ups and downs of life, and I know that the child allowed to navigate the experience, soars.
But let’s be real. I don’t have to deal with the despair when she goes home. I am not the one she will turn to when she breaks down or wants to throw in the towel. For me, on almost every minute of those disappointing practices or games, the player is going to be poised, balanced, and put on a good show of bravery. For the parent, it might be an epic tsunami of gale-force emotions the minute my player walks in the door. Let me reframe that. I would be shocked if it were not an epic tsunami of gale-force emotions. And to elevate the unpredictable, it is often the case that, the day before, the weather was all sunshine and blue skies. To heighten emotion yet again, my player may not wait until she gets home to unload; she might send an alarming text right as she buckles up to make the 15 minute drive home to you, her safe port in the storm. We can all agree to one simple fact: those 15 minutes will be the longest 15 minutes a parent lives.
I get it. Parenting is beyond hard, so why would we want to add failure to the mix?
But after a little more thought, it made sense why our parents picked this book. A shift seems to have happened in our awareness about life beyond high school. While college admissions still command significant attention, more parents are discussing what happens once their students get to college. Will they have the tools to navigate life away from home? Can they juggle the combined pressures of school work, self-care, and social life? More importantly, will they find their people and the resources needed to get help?
I have witnessed that when parents put as much faith in teachers, coaches, advisors, and administrators, as they do love for their children, amazing things happen. Having faith in a child’s ability to ride the bench, play for a tough coach, learn from mistakes, and trust the partnering adults in their life is the true gift. Parents giving themselves permission to let children learn who they are and “value struggle,” as Jessica Lahey writes, may have the secret to raising successful adults living healthy lives.
CLS’s 2019 Open Houses
Transitional Kindergarten and Kindergarten
October 11, 2019
9:30 – 11:30 a.m.
Middle School: Grades 6 – 8
October 18, 2019
9:30 – 11:30 a.m.
Upper School: Grades 9 – 12
October 18, 2019
9:30 – 11:30 a.m.
Join us for Look@Latin presentations. These are small groups that take a closer look at Life@Latin. Learn more about Look@Latin and register for an event.
Lower School Curriculum & Extended Day
November 16, 2019
10:00 a.m.
Winter Sports Showcase
January 17, 2020
4:30 p.m.
Upper School Life + Arts
February 20, 2020
5:30 p.m.
Charlotte Latin School
9502 Providence Road
Charlotte, NC 28277a
704-846-1100
Admissions Office: 704-846-7207
Website: www.charlottelatin.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/charlottelatinschool
Twitter: @charlottelatin
Instagram: @charlottelatinschool
