Becoming a mom changes you, whether it’s the size of your waistband (ugh) or your heart (aww). We’re not the same people we were before giving birth to these beautiful, crazy little creatures called children.
I know during the past three years, since I’ve had my three sons, I’ve said, done and felt some wild and quirky things – some of which I probably shouldn’t admit to in mixed company. But hey, I figure it’s safe to do it here, where I’m hoping some of you can relate….or at least have a good laugh with me!
To that end, here are my top 10 ways you can tell you’re a new mom:
10. You have to stop and think about the last time you took a shower (or went on a date?!)
9. You used to get annoyed by long lines at drive-through windows and now find them to be welcome respites.
8. You are all but dying for a break from your child during the day only to find yourself spending precious downtime in the evening watching video of said child.
7. Your four major food groups are: chocolate, Starbucks, whatever’s left on your child’s plate and goldfish. (Yes of course we mean the cracker kind!…And yes, wine is a perfectly good substitute here, by all means! This mama just realized that more than half a glass can mess with what little sleep I do get!)
6. You have rushed to poop in the time it took your baby’s windup mobile to play a lullaby. (Sorry, Mom, not very ladylike I know. But impressive, right? Somebody needed to give me a high five that day!)
5.You have shouted “Jesus!” in a fit of frustration only to hear your toddler, in all seriousness, begin to sing “Jesus loves me, this I know….”
4. You have learned to complete – more like attempt to complete – tasks in 10-second increments. If you manage to get the dishwasher unloaded during the course of feeding breakfast, you are a champion!
3.You have found yourself lying on an exam table, boob through a hole, about to have a breast biopsy, and actually thought to yourself, “Hey, it feels pretty good to be lying down!” (All was benign, thankfully!)
2. You have learned the hard way that sending a child to nap with a picture book can be hazardous to his health, after being called in to find his little finger bleeding from a paper cut (seriously can’t make this stuff up!)
1. You have stopped on a walk with three children in tow to pee in a porta potty while one child is still strapped to you, one waits in a stroller and one is on foot,admiring a nearby excavator truck – all while you keep a watchful eye through the door you are holding slightly open.… And that, my mama friends, is when you know: hey world, you might think I’m crazy, obscene and ridiculous…..but I GOT THIS!