How do I never see it coming?

This is the thing about getting older: it happens very slooooowly, but hits you really quickly smack-dab in the Crow’s feet when you least expect it. Sure, we’re all feeling a little older this month – what with Back to School time and all. Our babies are one year older. My Facebook feed is chocked full of the #timeflies, #howdidthishappensofast, #wheredidthetimego with every Back to School picture.

But don’t we all know where THAT time went? It passed with each sleepless night, each harried dinner prepared without a plan, each weekend soccer game, each shoe tied, and each schizophrenic tantrum of a three-year-old. We of all people should know where THAT time went. We watched it all happen. Heck, we made it happen.

What boggles my mind is how this happens:

How does Niki Taylor end up in a Talbot’s catalog?? And how dare she think it acceptable to infiltrate our mailboxes with this debauchery – this slam-in-the sun-spotted face – on a perfectly normal Tuesday afternoon while I let my CrockPot dinner simmer? There wasn’t a mirror in sight – I wasn’t even thinking about the first half of my thirties until this rolled in.

Niki Taylor is supposed to be in SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE. Not Talbots (and, for the record, I am on Talbots’ mailing list because I buy gifts for my MIL there. Promise. But, I’m not gonna lie – I kinda liked a few of the things in Niki’s catalog.).

Niki Taylor is (well, until this Talbot’s catalog thing ruined it for me) stuck in my mind as perpetually young and beautiful. Don’t get me wrong – she’s still young to me and will always be beautiful, but in my mind she wears denim cut-offs and babydoll dresses. Not a “floral blooms dress” that’s knee-length and wrinkle-free. She doesn’t get older. My children get older.  My dog gets older. And, according to the mirror, I get older. Not Niki Taylor.

And, trust me, nowhere is safe.

The other day I took the kids to the movies because it was the end of summer, and I just felt like throwing $75 out the window, and you know what popped up on the big screen in the previews? Cameron Diaz as Ms. Hannigan in the re-make of “Annie” (which is obviously more of a Cyndie Lauper version, but still)! CAMERON DIAZ, people!

She’s the girl who innocently put Ben Stiller’s “hair gel” in her bangs in “Something About Mary.” She’s the girl who debuted on the cover of Seventeen Magazine in July ’90 (which, I totally still remember getting in my mailbox and coveting the earrings):

I haven’t seen the new version of “Annie,” but, if they stay true to the original, it means Cameron is now a drunk, sloppy remake of Carol Burnette (who, by the way, has a cult-like following with my MOM’S generation!!?). CAMERON is responsible for a bunch of New York City orphans? I just can’t picture it.

The worst part of this whole thing – worse than NKOTB going back on tour – is that Hollywood and New York are actually casting these girls because they fit the part.

Just like I do.

#boom #middleagefightsdirty #didntseeitcoming