In high school, The Big V had a standard meaning amongst my peers. But now that my old behind is done bearing children, I had to bring up the unthinkable. I had to speak the word that must not be spoken – VASECTOMY!
And the discussion with my husband went over like a lead balloon. Unfortunately, I didn’t handle it well. I went on a tirade that was one of my best. Because I don’t think that a forty-five minute doctor’s visit with a forty-eight hour recovery is something to get all worked up about. I don’t think husbands have any room to cry, whine or bellyache about this procedure. Do they have any idea what pregnancy is like? And can they really compare a weekend of mild discomfort to nine months of torture?
My man in particular is not going to get any sympathy. I had two of the most challenging pregnancies on record. I lost the ability to urinate on my own, had gestational diabetes (twice), was hospitalized with premature labor, had two preemies, and had one birth that progressed so fast there was no time for an epidural. That’s right; I had the pleasure of experiencing a natural childbirth!! One minute I was lying in the high risk ward chatting with my mom and the next a nurse is yelling at me to not use the bathroom because she does not want me to have my baby in the toilet!
Each time the subject comes up, my man has a fantastic anecdote to share. “So and so had a vasectomy and then played eighteen holes of golf. His privates swelled up to the size of grapefruits! He was in a world of hurt!!” Great point honey, but I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to hit the links after you have minor surgery. “Johnny Johnson did it, it didn’t take and he had to have the procedure TWICE.” Yes, I realize approximately 0.5 percent to 1 percent of all vasectomies fail, but it doesn’t change my stance on the matter.
I have to laugh; I think this procedure would be a relief. I don’t ever want to be pregnant again. I know my husband doesn’t want to live with me through another pregnancy, so let’s get the show on the road. Maybe if men talked about this stuff they way women share every gory detail of their pregnancy with each other, the subject wouldn’t be so taboo. So say it loud and say it proud – VASECTOMY!!