Under-Achieving Tooth Fairy Mama

That would be me. For reasons I simply cannot explain, I just can’t seem to remember the Tooth Fairy for the life of me. It all started when I gave birth to my second child. It’s as if I gave birth to a very important piece of my brain that remembers key events and I simultaneously came down with adult onset ADD. I didn’t officially self-diagnose until my middle child was 7 and started losing her teeth.

My ADD came on strong and hard with the birth of my second child. I started forgetting the simplest of things, like remembering which side I last breastfed. Who forgets this? Doesn’t your overfilled breast hurt? Nope, not mine. Luckily a Smarty girlfriend gave me a tip to put a hair-tie on the wrist that you last fed on. That fell apart when I was so tired that I would try and cheat the system and put the tie on the next side in advance. I think I was lop-sided and my child was starving for the next six months.

I could relate so much to that hilarious Elf on the Shelf blog that went viral this Christmas. I knew my limitations as I could barely remember to move my elf from one spot to the next – much less stage him with silly props. But with the Tooth Fairy, you have no choice. This was written right into the “MOM” job description, not technically at the top, but a very important part of the job that all moms must do.

I was Gung Ho with my first child. Never missed a beat. I even started a hard-to-keep-up-with tradition to have the TF leave silver coins each time she lost a tooth – silver dollars, Susan B Anthony dollars, even silver half dollars. Sounds really impressive, I know. But it was really just an easy way to pass on my TF collection as a child, which I had handily stored in my closet. This approach started getting trickier as I depleted my rare coin stash. Even worse, when my child was on a sleepover – who has silver dollars handy in her house?!

When my second child started losing her teeth, I was struggling hard. My hubby was the one who remembered the first four TF performances. I felt defeated and deflated. That was my job. MOM was supposed to remember these special events, not Dad. When we lost teeth numbers 6 through 8, I was just out of control. Here’s how it went down.

Tooth #6 Scenario

It’s all laid out in my earlier blog So what happens when the tooth fairy forgets to come? Pretty sure wine was the culprit in this one. When in doubt, blame alcohol:-)

Tooth #7 Scenario

Izzy had a friend sleeping over and they set up a tent village in the playroom with 3 connecting tents and every blanket and pillow they could find in the house. That Tooth Fairy pillow was buried deep in the brush, I had no hope.

6:13am – Hubby whispers these horrific words in my ears “did you remember the Tooth Tairy?”

My response – I do an Olympic back flip out of my bed, run to the rare coin TF box, shake it frantically and pull out two silver dollars. Note to self, I only have three coins left, must go to the bank to replenish stash. I fly up the stairs only to find the two girls rummaging through her bedroom, her sister’s bedroom, the bathroom. She says to me “Mommy, the Tooth Fairy didn’t come. Again.” My johnny-on-the-spot response “honey, how on earth did you expect her to find you under that mess of a playroom?” Loser mom of the year award goes out to moi for transferring the blame to my child, again! But I had no choice and that was all I could come up with to remedy the situation. The TF came that night and I’m pretty sure she upped the ante by a few bucks.

Tooth #8 Scenario

I was confident that with teeth #’s 8 and beyond, I would never forget again b/c my oldest was now an official helper with the Tooth Fairy, thanks to the movie “We Bought a Zoo”. BTW, this is an excellent family flick, but someone who is clearly not a parent wrote that screenplay. The Easter Bunny is 100% out of the bag in this movie, which also means the Tooth Fairy and Santa are next on the chopping block. So if you haven’t seen it, BEWARE! Sad part is, my girlfriend Angie warned me over Christmas about this and I ended up taking the kids to a different movie last minute. You’d think this would stick in my mind, but, no it did not. We Bought a Zoo came out again in the $1 theater and on a random teacher workday, my ADD kicked in and took all four kids to see it. After the movie, I mentioned something to my oldest and she said “Mom, I haven’t believed in that stuff for at least a year!” Well good then, because this mama needs an assistant in a serious way. It’s about time.

Fast forward to Sunday night. Izzy lost her tooth while at a sleepover on Saturday night (remember peeps, the TF only comes to YOUR house, not sleepovers because you must keep your TF traditions consistent, or you will be cold-busted.). So the pressure was on. Bummer for me was that my new assistant was now at a sleepover, so I had to remember this, but how? Isn’t there an app I can download? I can’t write it on my hand, mirror or sticky note – that’s just too risky. While saying outloud three times to me and my hubby, I’m certain we’ll remember. We can’t possibly screw up again. But we did. I got the nudge at 6:45am “TOOTH FAIRY?!!!!!!” I nearly threw-up, it’s as if I was in my worst nightmare. I run to my TF coin box and rattle it. There is only one coin left and it’s a 50-cent piece, lamo! My hubby scrambles through his wallet “I only have a ten.” I say “give it to her with the coin!” He emphatically says “are you crazy?” Well yeah, but we decide only on the coin. Total losers. I make him run up stairs and I start blogging. It’s now 8:10am and I haven’t heard a peep, which is a sign. I’m not sure what for.

I’m praying that I don’t get fired as a MOM today. We are 90% sure Izzy was still asleep at 6:52 am this morning. My only saving grace is that it’s daylight savings and it was really 5:52. Lord help this under-achieving mama.