Road trips. You know what they are. Your parents used to throw you in the back of the wood paneled wagon (no carseats, no seat belts) and you would set off on some long journey. We had no movies, no Nintendo DSI’s, no Color Wonder Pads. You had windows to look out, trees to count, billboards to spy. That was it. My mom’s 70’s Volkswagen Rabbit didn’t even have a radio let alone air conditioning when we drove from Arizona to Pennsylvania one summer.
As I shoved my two kids in the car at 4:30am to make the 10-hour drive to Sarasota, Florida I thought about how completely spoiled they were. TV rigged with movies & headsets, video games to play and even climate control. We left at 4:30am (not my idea. My husband even thought it would be a good idea to not have the kids pee before we got in the car. He said that would “wake them up more” I promptly laughed in his face like any mother would.) This is just a sample of the dialogue that happened:
Kids: “I am so excited to go mommy!”
Me: “Me too sweetie, just go back to sleep.”
Kids: “Mommy I am hungry!”
Me: “Aww kids, no food til the sun comes up!”
Kids: “But mommy, I am so hungry I can’t take it!”
Kids: “We want to watch a movie.”
Me: “No, no movies til the sun comes up.”
Kids: “Mommy, my stomach hurts so much I might die.”
Me: “Just pass some gas, you will be fine.”
Kids: “No mommy, it hurts so much I am going to explode.”
Me: “Well, WOW, that would make quite a mess, let’s not do that!”
Loud inappropriate noise, then “much better”.
Kids: “Mommy, can we eat breakfast and watch a movie?”
Kids: “I am hungry, and thirsty, are we there yet? ”
Me: “Here, have a piece of candy and be quiet. Fritz, you made sure to pack a lot of wine, right? OK, then I will survive. Can I have some now?”
Fritz: “NO, that would make you a loser.”
Me: “Too late.”
Well, we made it there and back without killing each other, barely. And why is the way back so much longer? They still have airplanes right? I am taking one of those things next time.