I recently read something in my Redbook magazine (Gasp! I’m officially a hundred years old!) and snickered. When something makes me laugh, I must share to see if I can get a gaggle of gals giggling across the land of Charlotte Smarty Pants. I was reminded of three very special comments in reference to working that have come my way in my short tenure as mother.
“I am willing to sacrifice buying nice things for myself so I can stay home.”
Like I work to be able to buy sweater sets at Saks…
“You’re so lucky to be able to wear high heels and get dressed up.”
Because I work to wear high heels and get dressed up.
“We didn’t bother to assign you anything since you work all the time.”
Buying napkins for the class party is a fireable offense in Corporate America.
Liz Gumbinner, author of blog Mom-101.com, asked her peeps to share the snarkiest working mom comments.
10 Things Never To Say To A Working Mom
1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.
2. I suppose it’s smart that you’ve been working. You know; in case your husband leaves you some day.
3. I’m surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.
4. It’s cute when they call your nanny “Mama”.
5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.
6. Did you see Dateline? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?
7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that’s me.
8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else’s mom.
9. You must feel so guilty.
10. I wish I were as laid back as you and could just let the housework go.
Candy Kirby, author of blog the laughingstork.com, repped for the other side and asked SAHMommas to raise up the most memorable daggers thrown their way.
10 Things Never To Say To A SAHM
1. When the kids are older, do you think you’ll get a real job?
2. How June Cleaver of you!
3. Oh, so you don’t work?
4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
5. All day with your kids? I can’t even imagine.
6. I’m jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn’t have to work either.
7. What do you do all day anyway?
8. I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s ever wasted money on a college degree.
9. That explains why your son is so clingy.
10. Weird. I assumed your house would be superclean.
Smarties, have you been hit the wrong way with a quip that just cut? Serve it up!
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12 comments
I just laughed really loud in my office!!! Love the working mom list. I swear people have said some of those to me.
I think these lists are hilarious…and yes, the comments are real! I think it's interesting how this working mom vs. SAHM thing is such a controversy and competition — and I wonder if it's particularly more so in Charlotte where we tend to be a more "traditional" Southern environment where more women choose to stay at home. I wish that SAHM moms wouldn't judge or pity working moms (like I have experienced, heard and seen many times) — "oh, she hasss to work…" OR that working moms wouldn't judge SAHMs and assume they sit around in yoga pants all day, shopping and mooching off their husbands. Both choices carry their own benefits and challenges. Can't we all just live our lives the way we choose – free of judgement? I wish women would support eachother rather than tear eachother down. And admit it ladies, we do judge eachother and we aren't good about respecting the choices of others. If you work because you have to, or because you can make a good living, or because you have to put food on the table and provide healthcare for your babies, then good for you and God speed! If you stay at home because you can or because you choose to, or because you couldn't make enough money to cover the cost of daycare, then contratulations on your choice, too! To each his own and for the love of God, please LET US stop judging and pitying one another.
Being a mom, is challenging and a trade off no matter which acronymn defines you. As I SAHM, I joke that someday I'd really like to be an '(stay) at home' mom–as I always feel I am on the run everywhere to take care of husband, kids, house, etc, everywhere but at 'working' home. Equally, does not the working outside the home mom not still have have 'work' when she is away from 'work' and at home?
My all-time faves for me are:1) From a working friend who clearly doesn't care to know what I do: "Are you still doing that website thing?" Umm, you're not really my friend if you just asked that question.2) Same friend on my youngest twins going to kindergarten in the fall: "What are you going to do with yourself all day?!" Umm, why are we friends again? Let me think about that one. I'm going to fill up every free second doing the same thing that I've been doing for the past three years, only I'll go to bed at a normal bedtime instead of 1am! It's all in good fun, Smarties! ~Jen
The 2nd post could not have said it better!!! We all make choices that are right for our life and our family and it should not matter what anyone else thinks!!! And Jen, so how is that umm website thing working out for you?????……….I am thinking pretty good, keep up the good work!
This is so catty, but too good NOT to add to the list.My married-into-family-money-SAHM next door neighbor (who I no longer associate with – for obvious reasons), has said the following:1) To me while pregnant when asked if I was going back to work. "I will take care of your baby before I let you put it in daycare!!!"2) To another working mom when her baby was having a melt down "Well, obviously she needs her mother (now that you've gone back to work)." Now this particular neighbor has no filter when it comes to any topic, but you can imagine how hurtful these comments are to working moms who naturally are questioning their own decisions daily. It's a good example of how we're judgemental and hurtful when we haven't walked in anothers' shoes.
I work full time, and have much respect/admiration for SAHMs (my mom was one). My "favorite" question that I have gotten to date was "So do you think your mom is disappointed in you since you decided to work full time?"
I think that no matter what "kind" of mom you are, there are struggles and benefits to both. I am currently at home (by choice), and I had my MIL ask me "Don't you feel bad wasting your degree?" But in the next sentence said "I just don't see why women think they can have it all. You just can't be a good mom and work." (Insert eye rolling here….)
I guess you'd call me a SAHWAHM or a stay-at-home-work-at-home-mom, so I get all kinds of weird comments like "Oh, I wish I had the self-discipline to do that. I'd never get any real work done [insert knowing smirk here]." or "What do you do when your son gets home from school? Who helps him with his homework?" Hmmmm. Last I heard, his homework was just that — his, not mine. It does make you wonder what people are thinking, or better yet, not thinking!
Love this Susan!
I have seen friendships break up over this comment from above:'I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.'I'm not sure how someone could pretty much look you in the eye and tell you that you don't LOVE your children?!!! plain and simple – no one should ever have to explain their reasons for working. it certainly never means that they don't love their children enough….. great post!!! thank you!!
I can't resist either- Best comment ever to me as a working mom " wow, your children really seem to know you"….and sadly I think she really meant it as a compliment.I try not to engage in the mommy wars but that comment was the first that almost put me over the edge. I stayed composed and said "Thank you. They really know their Dad too".I love my SAH mom friends. They are the backbone to our elementary school PTA and I am grateful for all they do to make it so great! I have always loved being a working mom but these women are so great …they make me wish i could switch it up and help them out more!