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To three, or not to three – that is the question. Those who know me have heard me defiantly swear off a third child. When asked, my routine reply is “No hell no.”
The USS Bowman sailed mostly smooth seas after saying bye bye to our DINKS (dual income no kids) life and having our daughter. The recovery period was pretty short and our attitude was “we’ve got this”.
Since the birth of our second nearly two years ago, I became president of the “two and through” club. I’ll tell anyone who will listen that the transition from one to two definitely wrecked shop in our world.
When I consult with my life coach, my 4-year-old daughter, on whether we should have another baby her answer is always and emphatically “NO”. Her latest response when I probed further was “I can’t teach two babies.” Fair enough.
I often refer to my youngest as my “social anchor” because if there’s a reason we can’t do something as a family or with another family it’s due to the nap or early bedtime (to preserve everyone’s sanity) or the activity is not age appropriate for a 22-month-old.
REASONS TO REMAIN PRESIDENT OF “TWO AND THROUGH” CLUB
(1) We have replaced ourselves. There are two of us (my husband and I) and we have two children. Done.
(2) My marriage.
(3) Preserve the “millionaire’s family”. (one boy and one girl – which to a lot of families is as good as winning the lottery or a million dollars)
(4) I’ll be out of nap jail soon.
REASONS TO THREE
(1) I see our family as having three adult children in the future.
(2) Three is the new two.
(3) I would definitely be granted my dream ride. . . the minivan.
(4) The years are short and the days are long and family makes the highs the highest and the lows bearable.
Other members of the Smarty tribe (Jenny and Dana) have also wrestled with the expansion to three.
What camp are you in? One and done? Two and through? Three, let’s see? Four and maybe more?
Stay tuned next Monday for Lisa’s take on One and Done.
24 comments
So cute Susan!!! I'm a member of the "one to three" club!! Just be careful, twins can put you into the "four and seriously no more" club!!!!! Just ask Jen!!!
I have three and I had that same vision as you…looking at the future, we would have three. That might be your sign! I would seriously consider it. Yes, I do look at those with one or two and think how easy that would be! Ha ha! But, I would never ever trade my third for an easier life. She is the "cherry on top" for our family! Pure delight (amidst the hustle and bustle of a larger family)! Jessica Walsh
I'm a member of the two and through camp and still got the minivan! (Which I LOVE btw.) 🙂
Hey Mom Twin – you know I'm with you! Two and through with the millionaire family! :)Jen P.!
So hard to say. I have 3 kids and to see the 2nd child with the baby was priceless and cannot imagine life without her now but that being said, the jump from 2 to 3 was easy at first for me but once they get mobile you are wondering what in the world you were thinking. But these stages pass like everything else. A bit harder being outnumbered too.
I am one of three and love it, but that being said, two and through sounds awesome!
Proud to be in the "Two and oops, two more makes four" big fam club! Funny this should run today, the 5th birthday of my identical twinkies! I wouldn't trade our family dynamics for anything. Life is good when you are surrounded by awesome kids.Here's to secretly hoping the SS Bowman sails right on into the "Three is for me" club:-)-Jen Plym
Two and through. Watching others with more than 2 and seeing how life changes aboslutely, less time with each, more chaos, moms internally pleading for invites from others for playdates where someone will take your child so you can feel what if is like to have 2, less invites for vacations with other families, less potential to take family on airplane to places other than a drive away and watching the contant juggling act of trying to be at children's events and yes although in the end when kids are grown up it will be like an episode of brothers and sisters the in-between would be too chaotic for me. There aren't many people I now that have more than 2 that aren't anxious to get back to work to avoid some of the day to day chaos.
That last post is sad…really sad. I have three and have not felt any of that. It would be one thing to say all that if you actually had three…but just observing something and assuming all of that to be true possibly makes your statements inaccurate. Just my opinion, as an actual mother of three. We all have moments of being overwhelmed no matter if you have one, two, three or more. I am not at all eager to go back to work to escape my children. In fact, as my children grow up way too fast, I want to slow the clock down.
One and done! I was pretty sure there would be more than one but as the years slip by there is always a good reason to postpone it: stressful job, graduate school, big trip planned, etc. When I was ready to have my first I was obsessed with babies and getting pregnant. I don't know if I will ever feel that way again. BTW, I am one of five.
Yeah, that was a really sad post earlier… I'm sorry that lady views her life through those glasses. As a mom of two girls who was part of the "Two and ?" club before… now over the moon to deliver our final (a BOY) in seven weeks, I couldn't disagree more. I only have one sibling, and I was so envious of all my friends with "big families" growing up. Aunts, uncles, and cousins everywhere – that was always my dream. Going from one to two was no big deal for us, and while I know three will be crazy for a few years, I welcome it with open arms. As for vacations, flights, eating out… "Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail". If one extra plane ticket or $4.99 kid meal is that big of a deal, it's due to lack of planning or priority and nothing else.
Call yourself blessed to be debating. After one stillbirth and two 2nd trimester miscarriages, we would love to have a 3rd!! But, are truly thankful and beyond blessed for the two we have. It's such a personal choice. I have always heard that you won't ever regret having another child and I personally believe that! But, every reason you listed as why not to have a 3rd is my debate with adopting! When you figure it out, let me know! And, good luck!!! Carrie O.
Two and Through! In reference to the last post, we did adopt our two and if it wasn't so expensive, possibly would have considered a third. However, we feel blessed with the two we have and feel in our hearts that our family is complete. If you don't feel that peace and sense of completion, maybe it's time for a third?
I am sad for my friends who don't think enough of themselves to bless their families with #3. Our third couldn't be a more amazing addition to our family and we thank God for him.
We were just like Susan – could never look into the future and not see three adult children. It was never about "getting a boy", it was always about completing our family. We never planned for it to take 5 1/2 years, but wouldn't change a thing now that our third princess arrived one week ago today. It's amazing how things work out exactly the way they are supposed to. Our third baby is perfectly adored by her older sisters, and I have two fantastic helpers and entertainers in her 8 year old and 5 1/2 year old big sisters. I would definitely say that our "three of a kind" gives me a "full house" and puts me in the "billionare" club!!
Two and through millionares club!Thats all I ever wanted…so you have to do whats right for your family.Children are all a blessing,its the parents that have to say sane:)
I have three girls and love my club. But I have seen fabulous families with 1, 2, 3, 4 and more. I think it's absolutely true that you have to do what's right for your family. But also, take with a grain of salt the claims that people make who *don't* have the number of kids you're contemplating. Like the earlier post demonstrated, it might look different on the outside than it feels on the outside. Yes, I'll declare that sometimes I'm silently pleading for someone to take a kid for a playdate, but I think anyone who has a child has that experience! And a PS: my pediatrician told me that she has never met a third who isn't a sweetheart….mine sure is. And honestly, the jump from one to two is a much bigger deal than from 2 to 3!
Oops – I mean "looks different on the outside than it feels on the INSIDE".
As a mother three young children (4, 2 and 1) and dreams of more children in the future, I am often told, “You sure have your hands full.” My response to them with a joyful and grateful smile is, “you should see my heart.”I believe all children are a blessing from God, whether a single child or one of ten, whether the first born son, the baby girl, or the middle of the pack, each child is a gift.“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord…Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them”– Psalm 127And with each gift which God has given us to open and treasure every day, is a gift that brings joy and sorrow, excitement and frustration, and happiness and anger. But such is life (and a good one) to have all these various emotions in a single lifetime, even a single day. But can you imagine if life was so perfect and orderly that all we had was time to think about what more we wanted from life. One of the blessings in having children is that you have less time to shop for more things to fill up our homes but not our hearts, less time sit around and be idle, less time to think of what more we could do or what more we could have to make our life more "complete." The only thing that truly makes life complete is Life itself.Being a parent is no easy job with great perks; it is a hard and often unappreciated labor, but it is mportant to remember that such a task is not assigned lightly by God."The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral-a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body…Even the angels have not been given such a grace! What is more glorious than this-to be a mother."Joseph Cardinal MindszentyWhen I am walking to meet Saint Peter and review the deeds of my life, I will not be measured by how much I acquired but instead by how much I gave. One way God asks us to give is to give of ourselves as mothers. This is often hard as we have to give up so much, especially in those early years of motherhood. But like all things, this too shall pass and there will be a day when we wish we could turn back time. I see it in the eyes of elderly women, in their sweet voices as they see the true gift of joy I have in my children. They would give anything to still be nursing boo-boos with sweet kisses and guiding an unsure hand as it tries to write its first letters.When thinking of how many children to have in our family, I believe this decision is best left to God, as I have heard there is no better way to make God laugh than to tell him your plans. I have been blessed with more than I need in house, food, and clothing (and really everyone in America is wealthy compared to the world at large), and what better way to use this surplus than to give it to a child. I would rather have more children at my feet than dollars in my pocket, as children have a value that can not be measured in any currency. A woman regarded by many to have one of the truest and biggest hearts of our time said it best…"How can there be too many children? That's like saying there are too many flowers."- Mother TeresaWe never question anything that is too beautiful, only things that seem to lack something. If you are even having the internal debate of how many children to have, maybe that thought is weighing heavily on your heart because there is something lacking in your life. You may not have that thought and that is fine. However, if you do, please consider that no dream vacation, dream car or all the luxuries one could imagine will be worth more when you look back on your life than the dream of a child.
I consider myself lucky to have grown up with five siblings. Even better is the fun we now have as adults. Wanting that for my own, I now am the mother of five great kids. Ironically, my children ask when we are having another. They absorb the joy that I see in children. Perhaps, just maybe, your children are absorbing your aversions? Maybe, in consideration of your children's self esteem, you may want to soften your "No hell no" response and stop calling your youngest an anchor.Lastly, just for the record, you technically haven't even replaced yourselves. Families in any society must have 2.2 children to maintain zero population grow or decline.
Children are gifts from God.If someone was going to give you a gift would you say oh no thanks, I do not want your gift. I don't have room for it in my home.It's like turning down a million dollars from God. Children are better than money and more rewarding.And by the way I am a member of the "God has blessed me with 5 children and will gladly except more if God sees it fit to grant me more gifts" club!! And would not except a membership from another club!
We have five and one on the way. Not for the faint of heart, but I can't begin to describe the joy. The benefits to my kids, and in turn to society, are many. My kids continually outperform their peers in the areas of kindness, sharing, empathy, etc–living in a big family comes with a beautiful education in learning to love and serve others. And there's always a best friend around. Of course there is sacrifice involved–but what in life is worthwhile that doesn't involve sacrifice? I think I would be unhappy with the limits of a careful, cautious "family plan," considering "needs" for vacations and material things. Our joyful busy home helps me keep my priorities straight. (btw we have traveled all over with our kids, including flying–where there's a will there's a way.)
It's crazy to me (and, frankly, sad) that the social "norm" these days it to talk about family size as if we're at the grocery store deciding how many apples to buy. Children are BLESSINGS, people. And while I totally understand that we're not all called to have 12 kids, I think we could benefit from a mentality adjustment. I think it's ironic that some lean towards "having less" to make things "easier", when it's maybe that very mind-set that causes the "complication" in the first place.
Yes! Yes! I love to hear from the moms out there who are raising big families! I am from a big family and have dreamt of a big family all my life. I know the pains of a big family, but it really comes down to how you view life. Did we travel all over the country? No. Did we go to out of state colleges? No. However, we know the deep-deep joy that comes from our Mom and Dad's sacrifices. Thank the Lord they never made us feel like a burden. All I ever heard growing up was that my friends wished they were part of my family. My parents have dedicated their lives to us and their reward will be in heaven….not an extravagant vacation, a new car, an upgraded ring, or a remodeled kitchen. My husband and I can afford much more than my parents were able to give us, however we choose to NOT give in to all that society tells us they "need." If we did, we would get caught up in the "we can't afford more children" lie. My heart breaks a little every time I hear a woman say, "We're done." or "My husband had the snip-snip." I want to tell them about the dangers of birth control to their body and marriage. Read about it here: http://onemoresoul.com/downloadable-pamphlets/problems-associated-with-hormonal-birth-control-2.htmlI don't think every family has to have a dozen children! No, not at all, but oh how I wish more women viewed children as a gift. If we did- we wouldn't go to the ends of the earth to sabotage our fertility.Sincerely,Three and we'll see