This pregnancy is different. I’m twice as tired, twice as hungry, twice as emotional, and yes, I’m carrying twice the babies. We are having twins. Certainly, I feel twice as blessed, but I also feel twice as nervous . . .
For those readers who don’t know, in September of 2009, I gave birth to a little girl named Lily Katherine. Lilly was stillborn five weeks early. Today, we are healing emotionally and nervously excited to welcome two little miracles into our family.
If you think about it, pregnancy isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve had mine broken one too many times. Even with our thrilling news of twins, I struggle to enjoy every special moment that comes along with pregnancy. I’m scared all the time. Naturally, I fear for my babies’ health. Every day, I pray I will get to hold them in my arms and watch their tiny chests rising up and down with each miraculous breath.
During this pregnancy, I’m doing all the right things (just like I’ve done twice before). I eat well and limit my heavy lifting. I take naps and don’t overexert myself. I’m religious about my daily vitamins, drinking milk, and even talking to my growing bump. What else can I do? The answer, I guess, is to have faith. And, I do. I believe that my story will have a happy ending. It just takes time to overcome old aches and learn to live again.
As the weeks pass I hope to become more confident. I want to start picking out names. I want to dream soft dreams, not harsh nightmares. I’m slowly starting to accept and understand that most pregnancies do end well After all, I need to maintain strength because I have two little gems depending on me.
I know I’m not alone with my concerns and struggles during this pregnancy. There are so many of you out there with your own stories of heartache. Women who have experienced loss and can’t let their minds rest while expecting. I feel for each and everyone of you. We are members of a club that no one ever wants to, or should have to, join.
In addition to the health of the babies, I worry a lot about the day they will be born. It will be a fantastic day full of joy, but also one of reflection. Having given birth to Lily so recently, I will remember her and my experiences in the hospital. It is only natural, right? Certainly I will rejoice, but I’m sure to shed a tear remembering my little one who didn’t come home.
Two babies are blissful and yes, very different to carry. To all you twin mothers out there, you are amazing. I never thought carrying two children would be so tiring, so draining. Nervously and with great excitement, I look forward to life where pregnancy and all its fears are behind me, and in front of me is only the view of all things “twice as nice”.
Smarties, Got Fashion? You can’t miss our newest Smarty giveaway!
Last Call – today is the last day to register for this week’s giveaway! Run, don’t sashay down the catwalk for your chance to win a week of camp (and future place on a red carpet somewhere) at Style Sanctum. Our latest giveaway will have your lil Smarty turn fashionista in no time! Style Sanctum is offering a one week free camp session for one lucky Smarty child! Children of all ages spend a fun-filled, information-packed week delving into one single topic from the world of fashion. Camps run June 21-August 20. Click here to enter. Winner will need to call the studio to set up date/time/session of choice.