By Gabriella Enniss
During the COVID lockdown, I constantly found myself feeling like I was overflowing in stress. We had a new baby and a 2-year-old and nowhere to go. I was tired, exhausted and overstimulated. I felt like I could not enjoy this special time with my two kids because I was in fight-or-flight mode all the time. I was waiting for nap time. Waiting for my husband to finish working. Waiting for bedtime. Waiting for moments when I could be alone.
I was missing all the good that those days had to offer. I was not living, I was surviving. Change had to happen but lockdown was not ending anytime soon, so what could I do?
My counselor talked to me about mindfulness and deep breathing. It was all nonsense for someone like me! I do not have time to even sit still or be alone for one minute. How can I practice mindfulness?
Well, after some research and more conversations with my counselor, I found ways to not only incorporate mindfulness into my day as a parent (even post lockdown), but also use mindfulness to help me in everyday situations.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the act of being present and aware of yourself, your surroundings, and your feelings or senses in the moment.
Often when we are working on a task, our mind is somewhere else. Think about when you are doing a basic household chore (folding laundry, cooking, vacuuming). How many times are you just focused on the act of doing the chore versus thinking about the weekend schedule? Or maybe what’s for dinner?
Mindfulness helps you center in on the present, whether that is focusing on how you are feeling emotionally or physically or centering yourself on a simple action such as breathing.
Why is mindfulness important?
Mindfulness is a free tool to help you in everyday life as a parent. No need to wait for bedtime or a spa day (although those are fine times to unwind as well!) Mindfulness can activate the parasympathetic nervous system (reset) and impede the sympathetic system (fight or flight). If done correctly, mindfulness decreases our heart rate which can stop our body’s stress response. In turn, you can go back to your day in a more relaxed state. So instead of waiting for bedtime to let out the big sigh, you can incorporate more peaceful moments throughout your day.
How do I start practicing?
If you do a Google search, you’ll find many ways to practice mindfulness. I have found the following to be the most parent-friendly options, because they do not require a lot of time and do not require any prep work.
- Body Scan: Wherever you are, pause and bring awareness to your body.
- Are your shoulders stiff? Do a slow shoulder roll and allow your upper back to feel heavy.
- Is your jaw feeling clenched? Allow your mouth to drop slightly open as you exhale, allowing the tension to release.
2. Focus on your senses: Choose one of your five senses (touch, taste, smell, sight, sound) and focus on what that sense brings to your mind.
- Sight: Perhaps you’re driving in the car on the way to carpool. What colors do you see? How do those colors make you feel?
- Sound: Maybe your baby is just wanting to be held right now and you have to stop vacuuming (again). Focus on the sounds. Maybe the gentle breaths of the baby. Birds outside singing, letting you know that spring is here.
3. Deep Breathing: Choose a tempo for your breathing.
- Inhale for three counts and exhale for six. Maybe you inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Your focus is simply on the breathing, allowing your ribs to expand on the inhale and return on the exhale.
Set reasonable expectations
Your mind will wander, and that is perfectly normal. Whenever you find yourself wandering, simply pause and go back to where you were. Mindfulness is not about seeking perfection. We are simply aiming to bring a sense of peace to our body by being present.
Mindfulness will not help you get your baby to sleep better, stop your toddler from having tantrums or get your teenager to clean their room. But it will help you manage those situations better. Mindfulness is a tool to help you find calm within, even when the outside feels chaotic.
About the author
Gabriella Enniss has been living in Charlotte since 2015 when she married her high school sweetheart. Gabriella got her B.A. in Healthcare, specializing in Physical Therapy, from SAMK in Finland. After working in the fitness industry for eight years, Gabriella started her own wellness company called Bliss Fit LLC. Her goal is to help others find sustainable ways to feel better, move more and enjoy the journey. She offers habit coaching and personal training services as well as wellness workshops. When she isn’t working, Gabriella loves to spend time outdoors with her husband and two young kids. When she does have a moment to herself, you can find her at a local coffee shop enjoying an oat milk latte.
