I recognize this feeling. It’s a pit in my stomach, my throat tightens up and my eyes well up with tears. I first had this feeling about halfway through my first maternity leave. It’s that moment when you realize the clock is ticking until you return to work and your little one is in the care someone else other than you. It was rough and tough, but I eased my way back into it and rocked it (if I do say so myself). My daughter thrived at daycare and I got back into the swing at work.
My second maternity leave went smoother. I still shed tears going back to work and leaving my sweet baby boy, but I knew better what to expect this time. 
But now it’s back. The clock is ticking again as I realized that enrollment is open for CMS. My first baby, my sweet girl is in her last year of preschool and she will be heading off to kindergarten this fall. I am proud of her – she’s more than ready. Me on the other hand…am not.
As I completed the enrollment forms, I can barely see through the tears in my eyes. As she talks with excitement about having her own desk, I smile and nod while I secretly feel a sinking in my belly.
This feels like the end of an era for me. I know it’s the beginning of something amazing, no doubt; however, in my mind it marks the end of my daughter being my “baby”. There is such an innocence and bright-eyed joy about her. I don’t want that ever to leave her. Again she will be in the hands of someone other than me and what I’ve known as life for the past five years. It’s time for me to let go a bit – after all, that’s part of being a mom. Change is tough, I love routine and consistency.
I’ve turned in all the paperwork and it’s now official – I have a kindergartener. As for the countdown to August, I’m trying not to let it takeover me, but rather savor each day with her and her time at daycare. Is it too early to request the whole month of August off from work?
Smarties – how did you prepare for your first one to head off to kindergarten? Any advice is welcome!
