Here goes nothing! Another Charlotte Smarty Baby is on the way. Our family is thrilled and excited, especially now that I am not hanging over a toilet or prying my eyelids open (I swear, was I this tired last time?). My heart is truly full of gratitude. I know there are so many women who yearn for pregnancy. This fact is never lost on me. Even through all of the pregnancy woes, I am reminded what a wonderful blessing all of this is. Babies. Children. Aren’t we lucky to be parents? All of us! No matter how they get here, adoption, surrogacy, IVF or just pure luck, babies sure are life’s greatest miracle. And I am thrilled to be on this journey again.
I thought I’d share a few of my thoughts on pregnancy – the second time!
Pregnancy the second go around is so different. I don’t just mean the quicker belly and the faster weight gain. There are so many, many emotions involved. Fear, is perhaps the biggest emotion I have felt from day one. With the first you are slightly blinded. You have visions of baby clothes, perfectly folded burp cloths and beautiful nurseries. You imagine yourself sweetly singing lullabies and going home in your skinny jeans. But you don’t (regularly) imagine all of the hard work, the tears, the stress or the fact that you will occasionally fail as a mother. And there is absolutely no possible way you will understand how much love you will feel for the teeny, tiniest little bundle of joy.
But the second go around; you know what you’re getting yourself into. You know the stress you’ll feel when they get their first runny nose, or how you’ll agonize over sleep training. You know that your skinny jeans may never fit the same again and that bringing home a beautiful little baby is the most heavenly feeling you’ll ever experience. You know the worry and stress you feel almost daily during pregnancy. Is my baby healthy? Am I eating the right things? Am I exercising enough, not enough?
The fear also stems from the new unknowns. You simply don’t know how you’re going to do it all. How will you stop your toddler from running into the street with a carseat slung on your arm? How will you grocery shop with a newborn and a toddler in tow? Bathtime? Bedtime? How is it manageable? And the worst question of all – how will I ever love another child like I love my first?
That last question is the one that really gets me. I know the love I have felt for Annie. It is like nothing I have ever felt before. How can this love ever be duplicated? How will I find enough space in my heart for another. I am running around so quickly after my toddler that I often forget how far along I am. I was shocked to learn my baby is the size of a bell pepper. What? I thought it was still a poppyseed? I am already giving this baby less attention than the first. Out of all my fears, this one worries me the most. I’ve heard it said that your heart grows with each child. I hope and pray this is true. I yearn to show this new baby love, gratitude and attention. This child deserves a Mommy heart full, open and willing – just like it was with big sister.
I am now 18 weeks along and starting to feel those tiny flutters in my belly. Is there anything better? With every flutter I am reminded what a blessing this is and I feel my heart stretch just a teeny, tiny bit. Despite my fears, I am already learning that the old saying is true. Here’s to a growing heart and even more baby love!
I’d love to hear from you Moms. Were you more nervous the second time around? How did you calm these fears?