I’m pouring over my December calendar, trying to gulp down another cup of coffee because, really, that’s the only thing that’s going to get me through all those ink marks that fill up all 31 squares in December. My three-year-old son is begging me to help him get into his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume again. For like the 100th time since Halloween. (Serious TMNT #obsession.)
And that’s when I start to think he’s really on to something.
I’m thinking I might just need to borrow that costume to get me through the next two weeks. Yes, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is exactly what I need to be – forget the Superman and Batman costumes. I’ll pick the red guy. Raphael. Get it? Red and green? Close enough to Santa I think.
I love the fact that the TMNTs have the athletic legs and camoflauging turtle shell. That shell is REALLY gonna come in handy this month with all the eatin’ and drinkin’ I’ll be doing. It’ll hide the Chardonnay/Tostito Scoop belly and replace it with a mighty-fine-looking turtle six-pack-abdominal-wall.
Perfect. Let’s see…what else.
They’re teenagers. Um….I need the energy of a teenager this month.
They love pizza. I LOVE pizza (and will really, really love that turtle shell).
It’s like a match made in heaven.
Speaking of heaven, that’s where I’ll be when I don’t have to clean up ANY mess in my house because the TMNTs live in the sewer. The New York City sewer, people! A little laundry, dirty dishes, half-eaten Christmas treats, and general messiness are nothing compared to a sewer. Home sweet home!
My three-year-old tells me Raphael carries the “pokey things” – those will really come in handy at Target, Harris Teeter, Costco, anywhere really. I’ll skip right ahead in line when I flash those suckers. I’m not sure what they’ll see first actually – the wild look in my eyes or the pokey things. Either way, things will speed up.
So, who’s with me? I need three more to make a pack. I’ve got Donatello, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo up for grabs. I know some of you feel like you’re truly mutating this holiday season – Secret Santa weeks (who made this up, I ask? Whoever it is needs to be poked with a pokey thing!), Elf on the Shelf shenanigans, holiday card addressing, holiday baking – wouldn’t you love a lean, mean, green incredible team by your side?
Heroes in a half shell – that’s what we’ll be on Christmas morning.