Any mom offering sleep advice without me asking. I didn’t ask. I realize I may not be doing it right, but maybe you aren’t either. How about that logic!
Moms who are fully dressed before 8am. We can’t be friends.
The ice-cream at Chick-fil-A. It’s awful.
Smocked dresses on 10-year-olds.
The cost of summer camps. Seriously?
Birthday presents that have a million pieces. Why? Why would you do this to me?
Playdates that eat all my snacks and constantly complaining they are hungry. Next time I will just take them to Costco and let them graze instead of coming to my house and ripping it apart.
Mommies-to-be who think they know everything. I should check back in nine months to see how that’s working out for them.
People who constantly ask me if my twins are the result of IVF. Yes, they were.
People who constantly ask me if my twins are identical. One is a boy and one is a girl. Geez, I hope they aren’t the same down there.
The term Kelly Green.
Nurseries for newborns that are nicer than my master bedroom.
Moms who don’t share recipes. This must be a southern thing?
Anyone who is on a girls trip on a weekend that I’m not. I resent your Facebook posts.
Really super healthy eating mommies. I don’t like you because I want to be you.
Competitive Christmas carding. I hate it and yet I do it. I’m already working on my design for next year. I may have a problem.
Honey Boo-Boo Child.
Moms without a sense of humor. Parenting is hilarious. It’s okay to laugh!
OK, Smarties, dish it!