In my home laundry is like flu season. It spreads throughout my house causing chaos and tears. Think, “The Blob” only more invasive.
I hate doing laundry.
I’m also terrible at doing laundry.
No, wait . . . I’m pathetic at doing laundry. Which is odd considering most of the work is done by a machine, right? Nevertheless, I’m the worst.
I recently read an online guide of laundry tips provided by Real Simple Magazine. The title of the article was “Your Laundry, Simplified”. Excuse me, what? Simplified? Paragraphs and paragraphs of information on how to clean dirty clothes. I glossed over the tips and nearly went into a panic. This whole “problem” I have with laundry is bigger than I had originally thought.
Below are some of my favorite “tips” from the article. In complete contrast, I’ve highlighted in pink my exact thoughts while reading. Enjoy.
1. Sort your clothes before washing and drying. Sort before drying? I’m out.
2. Fasten all buttons before washing any garment. No way. Have you seen how many buttons toddler clothes have? I’m out.
3. Pretreat collars before every load. What is pretreat? I’m out.
4. To dry gloves, insert a wooden spoon in one finger and set the spoon end in a vase. Where do I keep vases? I’m out.
5. To dry jackets, put a few clean towels in the dryer to help soak up excess moisture. I currently have no clean towels. I’m out.
6. Place a wool, cashmere, or fine cotton sweater in a zippered pillowcase; wash on delicate cycle with cold water and lay flat to dry. Who owns cashmere with two year old twins in the house? Where do people get all this counter space to lay things flat? Do you think the kids will be okay with Chick-fil-A for dinner (I got slightly sidetracked)? I’m out.
7. Wash jeans in small loads with cold water (more water than clothes) to cut down on abrasion. Dry on low or medium heat. When removing from dryer stretch the legs and waist band to reshape. I wash my jeans every other year. Duh, everyone knows jeans shrink in the dryer so I’m not about to let that happen by washing them. I’m out.
8. Pretreat yellow perspiration stains with warm water and let soak for 30 minutes. There is that word “pretreat” again. How long should I soak vomit from the stomach bug? Can I put my child in the machine if I set it to gentle cycle? I’m kidding . . . maybe.
Let me honest, the list went on and on. I didn’t even read the entire thing because I started to get stressed out. So, I have decided to share with you my new and improved steps to doing laundry. You’re welcome.
1. Pretreat myself to a glass of wine.
2. Soak for 30 minutes.
3. Lay flat.
Now THAT is laundry simplified…cheers (or Tide, whatever you want).
2 comments
Laundry is for losers. I want to be Oprah so I never have to do laundry. If I hit the big time, I’m hiring that out. Plus, my front load machine is a POS. My least favorite laundry moment is when the sheets end up in a giant ball in the dryer. Makes me want to bawl my eyes out.
Funny!!! Loved this.