Let me make this perfectly clear, I look frantic most days. I try to keep it together, but rarely can. I’ve learned a lot in the past six years (roughly how long I have been a mother). Here are my tips on how to look your best on your way to Target, or anywhere else your day may take you.
Oh, these tips are foul proof. I guarantee it.
1. Wake up
2. Put on workout clothes. No, you aren’t going to workout. Just faux it. Everyone else does. Attempt to incorporate a piece of Lululemon, this will make your “pretend” workout look even more convincing.
3. Brush teeth. Don’t even think about flossing. This will take time away from doing your hair.
4. Do your hair by putting it in a ponytail. Don’t spend too much time on your hair because you are about to hit step five which is, put on a tennis visor. (Note: You are not going to play tennis. If you are, you may be on vacation. In which case, stop reading blogs about being a mother while on vacation and grab a cocktail.)
5. Put on a tennis visor. Review step 4.
6. Do your makeup in 8.5 seconds or less. This will be the last time you look in the mirror for the entire day, so go easy on the mascara.
7. Attempt to find matching socks and realize it is a lost cause. Put on two different sized socks and slip on your tennis shoes. Seriously, you are not going to play tennis so stop dreaming.
8. Drive to Target (or the grocery store) and run into everyone you know. Apologize for how you look explaining that you just finished working out. (Getting all the children to school is sorta like a workout. You sweat, right?)
9. Go home and shower around 9 p.m. after the dishes are done and the kids are asleep.
10. Repeat for 18 years.