The times they are a-changing, just like Bob Dylan first sang in 1964. Scratch that. The times have changed, people. Big time.
Back in my day, ribbons/medals/trophies (and even the lowly certificate) were awarded for “placing” in a competition, with the coveted trophy usually being reserved for the upper echelon such as first place.
Even certificates were a big deal; like at the end 10th grade when I was selected from my 10th grade peers as “Biology Student of the Year”. This high honor was only deemed certificate worthy, and now that I think about it, I should call my high school and demand a trophy for this esteemed accomplishment.
I was talking to a mother whose daughter participated in tryouts for a sports team. Her daughter made the team. However, her friend’s daughter did not make the team. Guess what happened next? The mother complained that it was unfair and the school folded like a lawn chair and let her on the team. Sound familiar? It’s a classic case of “it’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease”.
When I tried out for the basketball team in 7th grade, I didn’t make the team. Ummm…have I met myself? I had a snowball’s chance in hell to make the team. Of course, I was crushed and defeated and very upset. If my mother had intervened to get me on the team, the embarrassment of knowing that the only reason I was let on was because my mother pitched a fit would have been far, far worse.
In my formative years, I don’t remember awards being handed out for just showing up and participating. My daughter, who is only 6 years old, has amassed quite a collection of trophies, medals, ribbons and certificates; all awarded for showing up and participating. If she continues this stellar participation performance, we will need a trophy case very soon.
Her view is already distorted and I realized this as I explained that Gold, Silver, Bronze medals in the Olympics are awarded for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place and that’s it. It doesn’t mean that someone isn’t good enough or is being slighted or is being called out for not measuring up. It means the people who won them earned it and their performance in that moment was top notch, period.
I am all for providing children, especially the younger set, with a reward (not award) for participating on a team such as a tee shirt or certificate. Fostering camaraderie, teamwork and memories of being part of something are all very positive. What bugs me is that we no longer have losers; just the “last winners”.
Let’s look at real life. Teachers assign grades that are earned – A, B, C, D, F – and no matter how Herculean the effort, the grade assigned is tied to the performance of the task. My boss is not giving me a raise for simply showing up and participating and could give a gnat’s eyelash about time spent; she’s more interested in the results. My boss does not dole out annual bonus money evenly across the team. She stack ranks the team based on performance to metrics and awards accordingly.
I understand the “positive intent” in awarding participation trophies however I wonder about the unintended consequences of doing so. Does the “everybody wins” philosophy provide a false sense of entitlement? Are we failing to prepare children for real life?
Smarties, let me hear from you! What do you think?
This is a POWERFUL video that I pulled in from the comments section today – 12 minutes but you should watch this!
11 comments
I agree 100%. I just boxed up our 47 trophies for my four children that we’ve accumulated over the years. Not one single trophy means a thing. Except that we wrote a check to be on the team. This type of awarding is doing nothing but crippling our children. It teaches them that everyone wins. This is a ruined generation and they’ve only just begun.
As I enter middle school for the first time, it has become apparent to me that our generation of moms is OVER-THE-TOP. They intervene at the drop of a hat. They rally for their friends to get the same teachers and switch out of if it doesn’t work out. They force their kids to take year-round sports b/c that’s just the thing to do. We don’t sign on to that nonsense and I’m starting to think we’re a huge minority.
But I don’t really care. My kids will be just fine. They just may be surrounded by others who can’t think for themselves.
Girl, you struck a nerve here!
Could not agree more. My husband was setting up his office a few months ago and placing his National Championship trophies on a shelf when my daughter asked him “Daddy, did you get those trophies for being the best?” And his response was “Yes, sweetie- that is how you are SUPPOSED to get them.” We are not doing our children any favors by not letting them experience loss- how else do they learn to work hard for the things they want in life? We have to let our kids fight some of their own battles, and not reward them for just showing up.
I agree. I saw a quote recently and this article reminded me of it.
“Saying that everyone is special is the same thing as saying no one is.”
Wellesley High School English teacher David McCullough was not scared to tell his 2012 graduating class the reality of life. The speech is 12 minutes and probably should have been reduced to 6 minutes by dropping some of the analogies, similes and cliches but the main theme is good and on target.
Of course, he took a lot of heat from special interest groups. However, that serves up two more great lessons for our kids. You can never please everyone and don’t be afraid to stand up for the things you believe in. Many of you have seen the video but it is worth watching again…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfxYhtf8o4
I have a 2.5 year old and we are just entering the world of sports and group activity, but I do agree that kids these days are pretty soft. I want her to understand that you get somewhere in this world by working hard, not just showing up.
Amen, sister! Actually, I think I should get award for showing up – getting to the soccer field with 4 kids at dinner time on a weekday is hard work! Actually, just finding the freakin’ team on the field of a million little soccer players deserves a trophy! I do think we’ve gone overboard with the participant awards and wonder how it will affect them as they get older.
I actually feel the same way about snacks after a game – but I’m sure that makes me super unpopular!
Well written, Susan, as always! 🙂
I couldn’t agree more. I think the uniform (or I like the idea of a t-shirt) should be enough for participating and trophies should be saved for actually coming in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place. Parents intervening over everything has become an epidemic! I’m over it. Kids need to learn coping skills when it comes to disappointment. I’m ready for things to swing back the other direction.
You are all on target…the false sense of entitlement that these children are learning from such a young age is setting them up for failure. So, with all these moms who feel this way, what do we do about it? Can we change the future for our children by doing something now?
The funny thing is, I have never met a parent who is actually in favor of participation trophies, so how does it perpetuate? Do we all complain to each other but not take a stand to coaches/organizations?
We were at a swim meet this summer observing as my daughter was still too young to participate. I noticed how after every race every kid got the same color ribbon. WHAT?! The kids would run off w/ their ribbon and toss it on mom’s lap. Back in my day you only got a ribbon if you placed. That ribbon was a huge deal and you would never just go toss it to mom and keep going. You sure didn’t get one every race!
Love this post and hate the direction things are going for our kiddos. It’s not real world. We are not doing them any favors by grouping everyone as great. Is it because kids start sports at an earlier age now than they did 20 years ago???
Hey, nice article SCB. Thank you for saying what needed to be said. When I read it, I actually thought of the impact from the top down… “If I win and I’m the best I get a trophy. But so does everyone else?” In my opinion, you learn more about yourself when you lose than when you win: Did I prepare enough? Was I focused? Did I give it my all? Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years. =)
Also, how does this mentality translate to some of the current proposed policies from Washington? Just askin’…