T-minus two days. The homestretch, right? Thanks to My Gym and a Smarty Steal, I got most of wrapping done yesterday, and I am just about 90% ready to hand everything else over to the Big Man in a Red Suit. As I close in on another Christmas being Santa’s full-time administrative assistant for the “Perry Children” account, I can finally breathe and count my many blessings – health, family, friendships…and a rather polished (shall I say sophisticated?) bunch of peers – you know, all of you other Santa helpers.
Sure, we might’ve had some squabbles in the Target parking lot over a tight spot. Yes, those pesky four-way stops at our many strip malls can be precarious. And, of course, we all must pray for patience in a long check-out line (for the love! Who is still writing checks?!! @$&%^!!!!) But that is nothing, NOTHING, compared to what our forefathers (ahem, foremothers is more like it) dealt with back in the day (and by “back in the day,” I mean about 5 years ago):
It could easily be 1983. We would be dealing with this (Can you even imagine what the Internet would have done to 1983’s Cabbage Patch Doll insanity? And I really, really would like to know if I would’ve succeeded in this cat fight.):
Thankfully, it’s not 1996, or we would have this big furry red thing to fight over:
Big hooray that it’s not 1998 or else we’d probably be racing each other through Wal-Mart going after this furry beast when a new shipment arrived (I’m faster than I look):
And, whew, thank goodness 2009 has come and gone, or else we’d be hustlin’ over this crazy motorized rat:
2014 is looking pretty tame isn’t it, y’all? I’ve heard some whispers of hard-to-find Nikes but that’s just about all it’s been. Hushed exasperation. Nothing physical, nothing that could go viral.
Hmmm….it’s actually kinda boring.
Where’s the “It” toy this year?? Where’s the hoopla? The drama? I don’t really want to be in on the action (or do I?!!), but it would’ve been pretty fun to see some Facebook friends tagged in videos and photos with fists up and credit cards ready for a motorized gerbil.
Or dancing red monster.
Or cloth doll with yarn hair and a tattooed butt.
It’s been a good five years since moms’ limits were tested. Will 2015 be it? Will we have to make the choice between our dignity and our child’s Christmas dreams?
I’m not sure, but I have my racing shoes ready, a training program in place, and my Facebook security profile set to “untaggable.” Game. On.
Merry, merry!!! ☺
