My two older kids went to sleep away camp last week, and let me tell you, it was like I shed 110 lbs. You know I missed them. I did. But, goodness, things feel so much lighter when you take a couple of kids out of the equation. Plus, anytime you’re down a kid, it’s amazing how the dynamics change. Do you get that with your brood? Siblings that barely spoke to each other without a scream or a crying fit suddenly spend two hours together playing Legos. They act like teammates rather than archrivals. Amazing.
And since we’re not at the stage where all of our kids go to sleep away camp at the same time and allow us to play Empty Nesters for a week (a role I assume is quite enjoyable since it’s only for one week), we spent the week on a family-of-four stay-cation. Now, I am totally convinced that the world was designed for a family of four (I had a feeling it was, but it was finally proven last week) – not for a family of three, five, eight, or ten – only for a family of four. Just like it’s designed for the right-handed and people of average height. It just makes everything logistically easier when there are four involved.
Restaurants – We fit in a booth.
Cars – No one is squished in the backseat of a car if you’re a family of four.
Safety Patrol – I have two hands to hold two hands.
Energy Efficiency – Laundry is cut in half (there’s some algorithm out there that proves on additional kid actually doubles dirty clothes. I know. It doesn’t make sense, but I’ve seen it with my own two eyes), and the house just feels cooler without all the hot air extra kids produce. I should get a “green” tax rebate for the week the older two kids were away.
Food – “Buy one get one free” is rarely “Buy one get three free.”
Dwellings – It seems like the trade standard is 4 BR, 2.5 BA, and Jack ‘n Jill bathrooms were designed with Brandon and Brenda Walsh in mind – no more, no less. Actually, have you ever seen a well-designed kids’ bathroom? Why isn’t it the size of the gigantic master baths you see in new homes?! Don’t builders know the ENTIRE family is in the bathroom at the same time? Blog topic for another day.
Travel – Airlines are usually two seats wide; cruise ship cabins hold five people max, and hotel rooms really only comfortably sleep four.
Entertainment – A “family pack” of ANYTHING is never for a group over four. Ever.
And, the list goes on. Now, y’all know I’m not complaining or saying having less than four kids is easy – good lawd! I don’t believe that nonsense. Kids are hard and fun no matter how many you have. But, I do think it would be fun to find a hotel room with a couple of sets of bunk beds (NOT the Great Wolf Lodge, thank you very much). Just like I think it would be really awesome to have a decent pair of left-handed scissors and a manual can opener that makes sense.