My Problems with Socks

One of the reasons I like summer is that it gives me a break from the ‘sock wars’ in my house. During summer and pool season, Crocs and flops rule the day and socks are an afterthought most of the time. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

The Sock Police

One might think that after almost ten years of parenting, socks wouldn’t bother me anymore. Here’s the deal: I am scarred from my early years of being a stay-at-home dad and my many interactions with the ‘sock police.’ Whenever I went shopping, they came out in force. Always there to enforce the rule: “Kids need socks ALL THE TIME.” What better way to strike up a friendly conversation with a dad and baby in the checkout line than “Poor thing, I bet your toes are cold. Did DAD forget your socks?” All I could ever muster in response was a sigh and a shrug.

Of course I didn’t forget her socks. They are in the back seat of the van…along with the Robeez she peeled off and discarded on the way over here. Yes, the very same Robeez that are SUPPOSED to PREVENT her from taking off her socks. What can I say, the girl has skills! I think she’ll be fine, but I’ll try harder to keep socks on her feet tomorrow. Thanks.

Fast forward TEN years and believe it or not, I STILL get sock comments at the store. I can be out shopping with my four kids, the youngest will have taken off her socks and put her shoes back on in the van on the way to the store and BUSTED! After shooting a disapproving glance at me, some ‘kind’ person will look at my child with pity and say to her, “What happened to your socks? Did dad forget them?” Called out yet again, all I can muster in response is a sigh and a shrug.

Really, it’s 2014! Who cares? Can I at least get partial credit for my other three kids having socks AND being reasonably well-behaved? Please?! I’m doing something right…I think.

Socks make us late

Punctuality is not one of my strong suits, especially when I’m leaving the house with four kids. I generally budget twenty minutes for putting on sock and shoes. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn’t. We’re usually five minutes late wherever we go – not too bad in my book – but Smarty Cheryl (also with four kids) is always five minutes early. Drives me crazy. I don’t know how she does it!

Ok everybody, we need to go soon. Time to get your socks and shoes on. What do you mean you can’t find your socks? You just had them on your feet! You need to look for them…now.

One of the frustrations for me is that when the time comes to get ready to leave the house, the aforementioned socks have inevitably disappeared and we have to conduct a full-scale room-to-room search to locate them, ESPECIALLY for the three-year-old (don’t want to be ticketed yet again by the ‘sock police’). The easy solution would be to grab another pair from the dresser, but that pains me to no end. Seriously, more laundry? Even if it makes us late, my kids WILL learn to keep track of their socks…eventually.

Goodness gracious, you still can’t find them? I give up, just go get another pair from your dresser. You’re out, really? Wow, I just put ten pairs in your dresser the other day. Where did they go? Just go find two socks and put them on your feet. Somebody help him. I don’t care if they match, we need to go now…we’re going to be late. No, I’m not going to drive like your mom just so we can be on time.

You would think that as often as we leave the house and go places we would be a well-oiled machine by now, but we’re not. Hopefully one day we’ll join the ranks of punctual people, but until then wish me luck!