Why I no longer give a sh*t about my husband’s brain tumor…..

Originally published by Smarty Guest Blogger Trish Rohr, Founder of Rohr Rockstars, on www.trishrohr.com

As the nurse put her arm around my shoulder and walked me to the doors leading out of the ER, I knew that was the moment my life would change permanently and never go back to what it was before.  There was a mass in my husband’s head.  He was being taken by ambulance to a larger hospital in town, and I had to get in my car and actually drive to the ICU.  Surreal.

That was over three years ago, and the lessons I have learned about life, love, faith and hope are endless.  I know this with 100% certainty – I am living my best life.  Right here and right now.  This is THE only life I am going to get, and it is fully up to me to decide how I will live it.

The first thing I decided to do was to stop giving a sh*t about that mass in my husband’s head.  It hasn’t been easy, and it doesn’t work perfectly every single day.  Realizing certain things about life has been an immeasurable blessing and a true Gift.  Three years in and here is the first, and most important thing I have come to realize.

Humor Saves Lives.

Or at least it staves off mental breakdowns.  If you don’t have a sense of humor, I HIGHLY suggest getting one.  There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can survive a good attack of laughter.  Even a well-placed chuckle can be liberating.

I am lucky in that I am married to the funniest man I have ever met.  Ever.  In fact I think it will be what I miss most about him.  Nothing is off limits – sometimes that can get a bit annoying after 20 years of marriage – but ultimately that means nothing is that important.  Seriously, there is NOTHING in this life that is so important that you can’t give yourself the gift of laughter.  Not even an incurable brain tumor.

From the very beginning, on that fateful night in the ER, life has given us a lot to laugh about.  Let’s go back to when I was walking out of the ER with the nurse, in shock about what was happening around me.  She was a little older than me and had already shown us that perhaps a professional life in the ER had started to take its toll on her sensibilities.  Nicest gal, though.  She was ushering me out to my car and offering her words of support (I wonder how often she sees a 39 year old man diagnosed with a brain mass on her watch?)  I do know from that conversation that she does see, apparently, a lot of syphilis come through.  In her sweet southern accent, arm wrapped firmly around my shoulders, she said confidently in my ear…

What?  WHAT??  What did you just say to me?  No worries, it is just a case of a sexually transmitted disease…all will be well with the world?!

Looking back, that was the gateway for how we have chosen to treat this tumor – with irreverence and humor (hey, humor rhymes with tumor – how about that!).  Why should I be polite about something that threatens the life I have built?  Why should we tiptoe around it and put it on a pedestal?  We don’t.  We take away it power every single day by laughing at it, making fun of it and making sure that everyone knows WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE BRAIN TUMOR.

There is no doubt that along the way we have shocked some people with our humor, we have certainly offended some people with our jokes, sometimes we make people uncomfortable with what we say….oh, we don’t really give a sh*t about that either.  This is our tumor and if we want to minimize it, that is exactly what we will do.  You can either lighten up and laugh along or you can pretend to at least.  We won’t change because this tumor is ours to do with what we like.

What is your brain tumor?  Is there something in your life you can minimize through laughter, put in its place and declare that it will not impact the life you choose to lead?  I hope my children look back and remember the light and laughter we have filled our house with — the humor that kicks this tumor to the curb every day.  I know they are happy.  I know they don’t worry.  I know they see Mom and Dad having a great time every day.  Shoot, even Chase realizes that when my cooking isn’t up to par, maybe Dad can seize again and our friends can bring some good food to our house for dinner for a few days…..