My baby turns 2 this summer, and do you know what that means for me?
POTTY TRAINING.
Can you hear me beating my head on the counter from where you are?
You’d think by my 4th child I would have this thing down pat. Well, confession time: I don’t. I am an epic failure when it comes to potty training. I hate it. Despise it. Vehemently dislike it. Wholeheartedly loathe it. (I could go on, but I don’t have a thesaurus nearby.)
Here’s why:
1. It’s gross: I could change poopie diapers all day long. But poop in the underwear? No. That’s just dis-gust-ting. And my dog has never had a house-training issue so I hate the thought that the pee stains on my carpets are from my kids.
2. It’s frustrating: Reasoning with a two-year-old is hard enough but the begging, pleading, and bribing to go to the potty just takes it to a whole new low.
3. It’s a crapshoot (no pun intended): What worked on child #1 doesn’t necessarily work for child #2 or #3 or #4. So the years and months of experience as a mother don’t help me at all (except that I know with more clarity that I hate potty training). And no book, web site or mom’s group is going to tell me exactly what to do because each child is so different – not one strategy is going to work on every child (in fact I’ve gathered so much advice over the years that I could write a potty training book and make people THINK I am an expert when I really am quite the opposite).
If there was one thing (ONE THING!) I could outsource as a mom it would be potty training.
Forget the night nurse – I’ll wake up 10 times a night for 6 weeks with a newborn (I can only write that honestly because it’s been 2 years since I had a newborn – I actually would’ve given my left hand (my writing hand!) for a night nurse 2 years ago). Forget the meal prep places – my kids are happier with buttery noodles than some fancy dinner. And I don’t need an errand-runner because I’ve pretty much whittled down the list of things that must be accomplished because I don’t have the energy to take all the kids all over town. It’s a small list – too small to hire someone else to do it.
The biggest luxury would be to hire someone to potty train my son. I’m talking turnkey – soup to nuts – from diapers to full-on-underwear-no-accidents-even-at-night-and-naps potty training.
I don’t think this person exists. And if he or she does, they’d be way out of my budget. So I’m left to embark on this alone. I guess when I’m having an exceptionally bad day, I’ll just keep looking at my list of things I will buy for myself with all the extra money I’ll save not padding the wallets of Pampers executives for the first time in 8 years.
Wish me luck.
So, I want to know: what’s the ONE THING you’d outsource as a mom? What’s the one thing you hate so much (or are so scared to do) you’d be willing to take out a loan to have someone else deal with it?
Let’s hear it!
9 comments
At this point, I am pretty sure Kate will still be in diapers at 16 so, I feel ya, sister. 🙂
I feel the exact same way – this is by far my least favorite milestone and I’m really terrible at it. I learned a big lesson with my first so with my second I waited until he turned 3 to start the process. This was a sanity saver. It still took 3 months but we are finally there and life is grand.
Yes Susan, I waited to my twin boys were 3 also. It was much easier. My daughter trained at 2.5 yrs easily, then I tried to train my son who was 2.5 as well and I wanted him trained before the twins were born- VERY stressful 2 months of trying so I gave up and waited he turned 3 yrs old a month after they were born, so I tried again about a month after that and it was so easy. I think it was a combo if him not being ready yet and me stressing about having him out of pull ups before I had two more in diapers!! So with the twins, we started right after they turned three and it went alot smoother!!
What I would outsource right now is homework!! Or at least help, the evenings are crazy after getting home from work and trying to finish up homework for all 4 kids!
I, too, could use a potty trainer! We’ve been trying to potty train my 3 and 1/2 year old for a year now. She will use the potty at school just fine. Home is a completely different story. I have tried M&M’s (still do), stickers, charts, etc. Now we have a ‘potty timer’ (aka kitchen timer). It’s been a few days and she is not liking it. Her little brother just turned 2 so maybe I can, at the least, get one of them potty trained. The sooner the better!!!!
Best of luck to you!
I fear this like the plague!! My daughter is 2.5 in a month and I don’t see a readiness there. I think I am just going to wait. I see her friends doing it and succeeding, but she just doesn’t seem ready or interested, so I am going to wait a few more months. I have one on the way and wanted her potty trained before her 3rd birthday so I can only have one in diapers, but I don’t know that that is going to happen. Seeing that others waited until close to 3 and were more successful is good to hear!
I’m with you Cheryl, I’m 4 years removed from it and still scarred enough to admit I would have outsourced it! I’m guessing teaching my kids to drive might be the next thing to come close but I can’t imagine much worse! Best of luck and I have NO advice! 🙂
Yes! I’ve done it differently with each kid – I waited until 3 yo for #2 and it worked pretty well. So that’s what I did with #3 and it was PAINFUL – he was ridiculously close to 4 before being totally potty trained. That’s why I am trying the closer-to-two window this time. We shall see!!!
I’ve been trying to potty train #3 for several months now. He just turned 3, and he could not care less. I’m feeling that “must be potty trained by this date” preschool mandate staring me down, and it makes the stress even worse. He attempted to take himself to the potty yesterday, well after he actually went in his pants, mind you, and we ended up with poo on the walls, floor, his legs, and all over the potty. Forget the mess in the underwear. I’ve thrown out so many pairs, I stoppped counting. Someone shoot me. Please tell me, for the love of graciousness, how it can be comfortable to walk around in wet or soiled pants? But honey badger don’t care, let me tell you!!
I panic at the thought of potty training also. How come we have never chatted about this? or maybe we have. I am approaching the need to do this soon as R is almost 2.5. I remember you saying that thing years ago about potty training at the beach in someone else’s house with tile floors and when they are at the beach most of the time anyhow. So I am thinking about doing that at the beach in a couple weeks, but then I don’t want to spend my whole vacation thinking about pee and poop and annoyed when it inevitably doesn’t work and I feel even less confident about my skills as a mom.
Oh and poop in the undies is SOOOO gross. I have cut the sides before of undies so I can take them off like a diaper and then throw them away. far away.
I know I am in the tunnel of parenthood and I truly do love it, but there will be a day when I’m touring Europe in my golden years that I will reminisce and be so glad I am not in that moment begging a child to go in the potty or at least tell me before they go. So what do you say, see you in Rome in 20 years for some vino and some chuckles about the days of yesteryear 😉 !!!!