My baby turns 2 this summer, and do you know what that means for me?
Can you hear me beating my head on the counter from where you are?
You’d think by my 4th child I would have this thing down pat. Well, confession time: I don’t. I am an epic failure when it comes to potty training. I hate it. Despise it. Vehemently dislike it. Wholeheartedly loathe it. (I could go on, but I don’t have a thesaurus nearby.)
1. It’s gross: I could change poopie diapers all day long. But poop in the underwear? No. That’s just dis-gust-ting. And my dog has never had a house-training issue so I hate the thought that the pee stains on my carpets are from my kids.
2. It’s frustrating: Reasoning with a two-year-old is hard enough but the begging, pleading, and bribing to go to the potty just takes it to a whole new low.
3. It’s a crapshoot (no pun intended): What worked on child #1 doesn’t necessarily work for child #2 or #3 or #4. So the years and months of experience as a mother don’t help me at all (except that I know with more clarity that I hate potty training). And no book, web site or mom’s group is going to tell me exactly what to do because each child is so different – not one strategy is going to work on every child (in fact I’ve gathered so much advice over the years that I could write a potty training book and make people THINK I am an expert when I really am quite the opposite).
If there was one thing (ONE THING!) I could outsource as a mom it would be potty training.
Forget the night nurse – I’ll wake up 10 times a night for 6 weeks with a newborn (I can only write that honestly because it’s been 2 years since I had a newborn – I actually would’ve given my left hand (my writing hand!) for a night nurse 2 years ago). Forget the meal prep places – my kids are happier with buttery noodles than some fancy dinner. And I don’t need an errand-runner because I’ve pretty much whittled down the list of things that must be accomplished because I don’t have the energy to take all the kids all over town. It’s a small list – too small to hire someone else to do it.
The biggest luxury would be to hire someone to potty train my son. I’m talking turnkey – soup to nuts – from diapers to full-on-underwear-no-accidents-even-at-night-and-naps potty training.
I don’t think this person exists. And if he or she does, they’d be way out of my budget. So I’m left to embark on this alone. I guess when I’m having an exceptionally bad day, I’ll just keep looking at my list of things I will buy for myself with all the extra money I’ll save not padding the wallets of Pampers executives for the first time in 8 years.
Wish me luck.
So, I want to know: what’s the ONE THING you’d outsource as a mom? What’s the one thing you hate so much (or are so scared to do) you’d be willing to take out a loan to have someone else deal with it?
Let’s hear it!