I have felt her presence for the past month, more often than I can remember. It started over the summer, that John Mayer “Say” song started coming on the radio more and more. It was through this song that my best friend chose to speak to me after she left this earth.
I spoke at Jen’s funeral more than three years ago. The early days after her death are still somewhat of a blur to me. But a few things are clear as day. And John Mayer’s “Say” still sends me chills.
Right after Jen’s funeral, utterly exhausted, I got into my husband’s car. He NEVER listens to music, just NPR. And this day was no different. But when I got into his car and he turned it on, this song I never heard of was blaring and it was queued up at an unmistakable verse:
Even if your hands are shakin’
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say…
I turned to Randy (hubby) and we both looked at each other and burst into tears. Again and again. You see, this song, was not on the radio yet. It was written for the movie “The Bucket List” and that hadn’t been released yet. So to be on this particular verse at this particular time was no coincidence in my mind. Jen spoke to me through music, knowing that I’d be right there to listen.
This song will forever commemorate that time in my life, that void that was left. That hole in my heart that will never be repaired. It will always remain empty in that special spot, just for my bestie.
She was here a lot in the first 6 weeks, and then almost overnight she was gone. But over the years, she surfaces in the most amazing moments in my life and it makes me smile. So when this song started coming on the radio more and more frequently this summer and on main stream stations, I knew Jen was back. But why now? What’s going on? And then it dawned on me. Of course, she’s back – she would be the big 4-0 today! And girlfriend wouldn’t miss a party, especially a biggie like that! So happy 40th, Jen! I hope you’re listening to some Buffett and drinking a margarita somewhere fabulous:-)