I have felt her presence for the past month, more often than I can remember. It started over the summer, that John Mayer “Say” song started coming on the radio more and more. It was through this song that my best friend chose to speak to me after she left this earth.
I spoke at Jen’s funeral more than three years ago. The early days after her death are still somewhat of a blur to me. But a few things are clear as day. And John Mayer’s “Say” still sends me chills.
Right after Jen’s funeral, utterly exhausted, I got into my husband’s car. He NEVER listens to music, just NPR. And this day was no different. But when I got into his car and he turned it on, this song I never heard of was blaring and it was queued up at an unmistakable verse:
Even if your hands are shakin’
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say…
I turned to Randy (hubby) and we both looked at each other and burst into tears. Again and again. You see, this song, was not on the radio yet. It was written for the movie “The Bucket List” and that hadn’t been released yet. So to be on this particular verse at this particular time was no coincidence in my mind. Jen spoke to me through music, knowing that I’d be right there to listen.
This song will forever commemorate that time in my life, that void that was left. That hole in my heart that will never be repaired. It will always remain empty in that special spot, just for my bestie.
She was here a lot in the first 6 weeks, and then almost overnight she was gone. But over the years, she surfaces in the most amazing moments in my life and it makes me smile. So when this song started coming on the radio more and more frequently this summer and on main stream stations, I knew Jen was back. But why now? What’s going on? And then it dawned on me. Of course, she’s back – she would be the big 4-0 today! And girlfriend wouldn’t miss a party, especially a biggie like that! So happy 40th, Jen! I hope you’re listening to some Buffett and drinking a margarita somewhere fabulous:-)
10 comments
Wow, tears streaming as I listen to this song and songs never play on my iPad the first time the right way and this one played straight through perfectly! Happy 40th Birthday Jen! I did not know you, but have learn so much about you and your sweet family through CSP. I hope you are celebrating BIG in Heaven today.
“Jen’s song” (as I like to call “Say”) has played for me on some wonderful adventures I’ve had since JB’s passing and at times when I’ve been questioning directions in my life. I always know it’s Jen reminding me she’s around and pushing me onwards & upwards. I miss you girlfriend and am so grateful for all your special blessings! MWAH, Ash
Our dear friends Marilyn and Don are in our thoughts and prayers always. Marilyn and I have been friends since grade school so we go back along time.
Love, Judy
Oh Jen P., you’ve done it again. You have spoken to my soul. Watching all of the people who loved Jen B. grieve and then go on living with incandescent faith and hope has taken my breath away time and time again. Thanks for sharing this lyric and your sense of Jen B’s presence with us.
Jen B’s Aunt Jeanne
Great tribute Jen. I still have Jen’s b-day on my calendar and was thinking of her and her family and parents too this weekend. After Jen’s passing (and another friend who passed due to Breast Cancer 10 days after Jen)…God gave me His perfect comfort in sharing TWO dragon flies to me all the time throughout the following months. I felt it was His way of saying “I’ve got them now, no worries.” I would be walking in my neighborhood and there would be two dragon flies dancing right around me. I’d be at a stop light and two dragon flies would fly past my windshield. I would be working in the yard and two dragon flies would be on a bush just beside me. Amazing! So, needless to say, I have sets of dragon flies throughout my house that are wonderful reminders of Jen and Tara and help me have peace and comfort when thinking about these two amazing women! This song always does it to me too, Jen. Love and hugs! Jessica
Beautifully written tribute. Love you, JP.
Beautifully written Jen~you are right she is with you and will always be with you….Christine
Marilyn forwarded to some of us and your words effected me, like the song did for you. It means so much that Jen is thought of and loved so much by so many. Marilyn and Don mean the world to us and the connectedness we all feel, because of Jen is very special.
Once again we are reminded what true friendship means and what an important part of our lives it is. My life has been made so much richer by the dear friends that are the fiber of my life.
Jen P, thanks for always keeping that fresh in our minds! To Jen B and to never ending friendships!
I was pretty much a brand new mommy when I read that you lost Jen. . .I had been to your website before, but a friend of mine told me what happened, and I read the blog entry and I cried. I cried for you and for everyone who has ever felt such a loss. I forgot about that day until now.