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‘Tis the season for birthday parties. This can be an overwhelming time for first-time party-goers. What do I buy for a gift? Do both parents go or one? Is it ok to bring siblings? The questions go on. I’m here to give you my Jen P. rules on birthday party etiquette. I could be way off, but this is just what I do:-)
Age four is the magic age for drop-off in Charlotte. Any party before that, just assume one parent is required for a chaperone. Personally, I think two parents are too much unless you are really close to the hosting family. Imagine inviting all the children in your preschool class and both parents of all children came. You wouldn’t be able to find a venue that large. No siblings are welcome unless specified on the invitation. As a birthday party hostess, you should consider that when selecting your party time during the week. For example, nothing is more annoying than to get invited to a 3-year-old party on a Thursday at 3pm, especially when you have other napping children and no back-up with dad at home. It’s ok for 5 and up because we all become seasoned carpool queens once our children enter kindergarten. It’s our means of survival! At the preschool age, you may want to consider inviting all of the children in your class until age five. Then many people seem to switch to an all-girl party or all-boy party. The class sizes are small enough and most of the party venues will accommodate plenty of children – usually 15-20 children are included in the party package at My Gym, Little Gym, Harris Y, Pump It Up, Monkey Joes, etc. You are exempt from this idea with summer birthdays – woohoo, I have two of them! We can invite whoever we want to our parties, but we have always invited more than we need to because I’m a big off-campus party hostess! I have a party in itself with just my family so the thought of having 12 screaming 4-year-olds at my house and feeding them cake is just not appealing to me at this stage in my life. I may regret this, but haven’t so far.
As for gifts, I say $10-$12 is plenty. You can even find great deals on toys at Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Costco, Sams, BJ’s, etc. I sometimes stock up on a great gift when I stumble across one. I have also been known to give decorated headbands that I buy at Target. They cost me $8 plus my time to hand-paint them and they have been a hit with all of my girls’ friends. Sometimes, I see my handwriting wandering around stores and I recognize it immediately. I’m also a firm believer that if you can’t attend the party and you appropriately RSVP, then you do not need to give a gift. I just think these days, birthday parties are so frequent and so massive, that you just don’t need to provide gifts if you can’t go.
Twins etiquette – I’m just learning about this one. I’m thinking that if you are hosting a party for your twins, most people will bring a gift for both children. As a mom of twins, I don’t expect this. But I could see where people may not be sure what to do. I guess my advice to the moms hosting twins parties, just make sure your party favor is super cool to cover the double-gift confusion!
One other thing pertaining to gifts. I have toyed with the idea for a few years now to donate gifts to charity instead of for my children. I have decided to save this for when the children are old enough to understand the concept. They go to parties all the time and they can’t wait until that day when they get to wear the birthday hat. I don’t want to deprive them of that joy just yet.
What are your party rules? Please share!
15 comments
Thanks for this post, Jen! I have a 2 year old and am just starting the birthday party process (of hosting and attending!) This was helpful! By the way, I am a PA friend of Jen B’s and I’ll have you know that I go to your blog almost daily because many of your blogs are for all moms, not just Charlotte moms! Keep up the great work!
We are entering preschool in the fall (and that’s his birthday too) for the first time. I guess I wasn’t expecting to invite his whole preschool class to his party (or even future parties) because he has so many other little pals around the neighborhood, etc., it would be many, many children at that point. Is that ok or will the other preschool moms think I’m a scrooge?
Oh no, you would never, ever be thought of as a scrooge! You are never obligated to invite anyone. You should focus the guest list around your children’s friends. And actually, the official “rule” that my mom told me was that you invite the # of children in relation to the # of years old the child is. Unfortunately for my kids, I am a social bug and that just never worked out well for me. If you rent an off-campus site like a My Gym, the party includes 15-20 kids so that usually covered all groups of friends for me. But there is nothing more sweet than a backyard birthday party with just a handful of children. I just can’t get my act together to do that yet! As for offending other moms, if they really get caught up in who is invited where, then there is something socially wrong with them!
Would love to hear some opinions on party favors. I am not a big fan of either giving or getting them but would like to hear what other people think. It seems like you spend all this money on a party and then have to shell out another good chunk of change for the favors if they are anything worthwhile, or end up just giving out a bunch of junk for it not to cost too much. And I hate it when my little one comes home with a bunch of candy or little “junk” toys that either break the second they are played with or are so small that they are choking hazzards for the baby. Anyone have good but not expensive ideas???
my girls birthday is in June, last year for their party favor I went to Michaels and bought sand buckets and shovels for the sand box. They looked adorable and only cost me a few dollars for each bucket. You can spend little and make it something that will last and they will enjoy.
my girls birthday is in June, last year for their party favor I went to Michaels and bought sand buckets and shovels for the sand box. They looked adorable and only cost me a few dollars for each bucket. You can spend little and make it something that will last and they will enjoy.
where do you all like to get invitations for your children’s birthday parties?
for favors… burn a cd to match the theme of the party. i have done this for all 5 of my sons parties and they are huge hits.
For birthday party favors, I like to give gift cards to a place where the children can use them to pick out their favorite thing. For example, last summer I gave all the children a Coldstone Creamery gift card in an amount that covered at least one large ice cream cone. All the children were excited to get ice cream as an additional treat.
I thought this was common sense, but have learned some people just don’t get it, if something comes up on the day of a party- PLEASE call and say you won’t be able to make it. A friend of mine had 4 people not show or call and it ruined the party for her waiting for them. I had a friend not call or show for my daughters birthday, but luckily I didn’t really want her here. It’s just rude not to call! Also, for favors… be careful for getting the cheap favors made in China. You never know what is in them!
Great invitations available at http://www.lollipoppapers.comwww.polkadotdesign.comwww.amyadele.comwww.paperstyle.comwww.tinyprints.comwww.birthdayinabox.com (cheap for printed, but some are really great!)As for favors, I love doing one cool thing vs. a little bag with lots of stuff. My youngest is a July birthday, so we’ve done sand and pool toys. A good friend just sent my girls home with two crafts to make on their own (the crafts matched the monkey b-day party theme).As for gifts, up until age 4 we’ve always collected books for the children’s hospital
I have 3 kids and we do birthday parties every other year for them, of course every year we do cake and ice cream with the family. This has brought them up without the expectation of big parties and lots of gifts every year, we have also donated some of the gifts to children who cant afford birthday presents and even my 3 yr old was glad to share, it made him sad that there are kids that dont have toys!
At my 5 y.o. b-day party, he donated all his gifts to Hemby Children’s Hosp. at Presbyterian. He went with me to take them and it made him feel really good. From ages 1-4, I said no gifts on the invite. They don’t miss the presents and then I didn’t do a big goodie bag. Also, Bedford Falls has great gifts. I never spend over $15 and they wrap it!
I have 4 kids and have been quite successful having all of my kids b/day parties at our home. I help my child come up with a theme (dress-up, pirate, rock-star, etc.) and then we plan activities and games together. I usually have a craft or 2, play traditional games (musical chairs and pin tail on donkey, etc.) and then it’s time for cake and opening of gifts and then it’s over. I hope my kids will always remember their parties as unique and personal events in their childhood memories. One little piece of advice, I’m always disappointed when kids don’t get to open their gifts while their friends are still present at the party. It’s just as nice to give the gift, and see your friend’s excitement as they open it, as it is to receive a gift. Good luck party planning!
Though I’ve never been to a twin party, I can’t imagine not bringing a gift for each of them. Maybe 2 gifts that cost about the same as you would have spent on one? It just seems like each child should get their own presents. Maybe I’m totally off. Thanks for all the other great Bday advice!