Sometimes it’s best to be kept in the dark. If someone would have told me every gory detail of motherhood, nothing good would have come of it. First, I wouldn’t have listened. Second, I would want to know why they are bringing me down. When I became a mother, there were changes I expected like breastfeeding will bring you to your knees, the sleep deprivation is way worse and that you will want to smother your husband with a pillow because he is so incompetent/on your nerves/can’t do anything right (that’s the sleep deprivation mixed with new motherhood talking). I had some unexpected surprises that were just plain weird and annoying.
Chicken Feather Hair
My OB was kind enough to warn me that my hair would shed so much post-pregnancy that I’d wonder if I was going bald. So, when the shedding began I only had a mini-freak out. Finding my hair everywhere wasn’t the worst thing about losing it. The hair grew back as lots of little sprouts at my forehead that would stick up. These baby hairs were unresponsive to any goo I used to make them lie down. My new chicken-feather-mini-bangs were so ugly and irritating.
I was very depressed when my breastfeeding boobs deflated waaaaay past their original pre-breastfeeding state. I lost a cup size with each child and it was quite shocking. I was absent the day that God was handing out boobs so there wasn’t much there to begin with. Many of my friends suffer from another ailment called “golf ball in a sock syndrome”. For me, it was more like letting air out of a balloon…a very, very small balloon. No fun. No fair.
I heart a Loser Cruiser. I swore I would never drive one and now I covet it more than any vehicle on the road. I vowed never to be one of “those moms” but I am. I want one baaaaadly…
Smarties, what post-motherhood secrets did all of your mom friends never share with you?
That everyone ELSE is an expert on how to raise your kid, and they will have no problem telling you. That your husband may be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but he is likely to turn into the stupidest, most incompetent human alive during the first six month’s of your baby’s life. That to have a decent night out without the kids, you will spend $70 before you even walk out the door- on a babysitter.
My favorite is that the “terrible twos” is more like the terrible-18-month-through-4’s. Seriously, all four kids (well not my middle child, she is an angel, still:-). For three out of four, the twos lasted for more than two years. Maybe that’s it – maybe it should be “terrible-two-years-plus”, pick your years!
To put it simply, no one told me the first three months suck. My mom informed me of this the day I came home from the hospital, but the good news is that after the first 3 months, it gets so much better. You just have to survive the sleep deprivation, boob drama, baby drama, temporarily stupid husbands and then it is smooth sailing! Well until 18 months when I am not really sure what happens to that stellar kid, but months 4-18 rule!
The baby hairs threw me for a loop as well. No one told me that I would no longer be able to hear news of starving children or worse on the news without breaking down in tears. That stuff was always sad, but I could handle it, now I’m a Blubbering mess at the hint of something horrible. My hormones must still be wacked.