While hanging at a toy store one afternoon, I started browsing the Playmobil catalogue. After reading for only a few minutes, I quickly determined the toy makers at Playmobil to be seriously sick people. I started a list of the most inappropriate products and decided insanity like this needs to be shared.
I present you with my personal WTF products. I’m not making any of this up. Each and every toy is currently for sale online. I’ve included links for all you non-believers.
Sit back, enjoy and get ready to question humanity . . .
Start their Lululemon obsession off early! It’s the perfect time to force your dolls to shed some pounds! Oh, is that a boom box? The toy sized scale is ideal for early self esteem skills. On the website it says this toy is available in August. Damn, isn’t summer what we want our toys getting in shape for? Bad move Playmobil.
Sure, why not? I’ll tell you why not. Because this is the crappiest toy. Ever. The beard on the one guy is awesome though. Hope it covers the stank.
The what? My personal favorite is the mini plunger. Who, and I mean WHO plays with this? “Oh my Johnny just won’t stop and come down for dinner. The toilet is clogged again. His imagination is sooooo wonderful.” If this toy was free, I still wouldn’t take it home. Unless it cleaned my actual toilet. And then, yeah. I would.
If your kid likes to reenact the Book of Revelations, this toy is for you!
When I close my eyes and dream terrible nightmares, this is what I see. Musical clowns. Who invested their time and energy to produce this frightening toy? Imagine giving this to a child for their birthday? They would probably drive themselves to the nearest therapist. The box says ages 4-10. You should totally wrap this up for your 10 year old on their birthday and see what happens.
Flesh-eating birds. Nothing abnormal. Play on.
Let’s kill something and live in it. Should we eat it and wear it first? Yes, yes we should.
This is a toy depicting armed robbery. Whatever, it’s fabulous. My biggest complaint is that the woman robbing the bank looks like she is on her way to carpool. So unrealistic. Seriously, when a mom robs a bank, she typically wears a tennis skirt. She is also robbing the bank to pay for her collection of Wunder Unders (if you got this reference, you are fabulous). I literally saw this toy on a shelf in a local store. I was obsessed and my husband took pictures.
Oh look, someone is about to die. Circle of life.
Concerned your child may be a potential serial killer? If this is on their Christmas list, you should be. As if the set isn’t creepy enough, when you take off the mask, the doll is smiling. Holy hell.
Hell, like were you are going if you play with this.
Don’t you just hate it when your toys riot? Set includes two dolls and four guns. One doll comes wearing a strange mask. I can only assume it protect him when he unleashes toxic gas into the crowd of other creepy Playmobil people.
One sinister looking guy and one oddly happy one. Guns, check. Bag for stollen goods, check. Strange tools to break into houses, check.
Childhood confusion, check.
This is an advent calendar. Confused? You should be. It’s a dragon battling a weird old guy with some crazy weapon fingers. Apparently, Playmobil suggests we welcome the birth of sweet baby Jesus with torches and mayhem. Please, I get enough of that with my family. I’m not scared. Merry Christmas.
Nope, absolutely not, no way.
This is why other countries are kicking our tail in education. They are making products like this just to dumb down our children. Insanity, all of this.
Do you know what makes for a fun and fresh playroom for children of all ages? Genetic mutation. Throw in some gangster robots and you have the making of a successful playdate.
A large pile of coal. Because, why the hell not?