Everyone has an inner dialogue about his or her body image. Why can’t mine sound like Charlize Theron’s? Mine is awful, for the sake of this conversation I will name her Pam (not because I know a Pam that was mean to me and called me fat as a child but because it is easy to type. Yes I am that lazy).
Pam is in my head ALL of the time. She is there every waking minute saying things like “don’t eat that it has too many carbs” or “ look at that girls arms, don’t you wish yours looked like that”. I do not know when Pam came to live in my brain but I bet it was around the time this picture was taken. Wow, look how angry I am. Why can’t Pam say stuff like “ Wendy, you should take a day off today and eat that bread on your sandwich instead of picking it apart like a bird” or “ Wow, you look awesome in that bathing suit. Your hard work at the gym is really paying off,” Pam is a mean girl. Pam isn’t happy with me EVER. She is constantly comparing me to every other woman I see. I am unable to receive a compliment without saying something like “ you are crazy and blind”. I need help.
Being a woman is so hard. It has been said how tuff it is to grow up as a young girl these days with the constant bombardment from the media about how a girl/woman should look. Well it is true. If my Pam is saying those terrible things to me all day long what on earth are my daughters Pams going to say to them? I want them to know that they are beautiful just the way they are. I say this to them all the time, but why is it I never say it to myself? I turned forty this year. In every other aspect of my life I am happier than I have ever been before. Why does this seem to happen to woman as they age? Get happy = body falling apart. Does this happen to soften the blow of having to watch in the mirror as their bodies go down the crapper?
My Pam needs therapy. I know that I am great the way I am. I am in good shape; I work out all the time but yet still beat myself up routinely. My body is starting to have more injuries from the constant pounding. This is no fun.
I am making a stand. Screw Pam! She can get another place to live. I am going to work on being proud that I have a body that could have two wonderful children, could run a marathon (slow but it counts) and one that can hug my family.
I need to get over myself. I am giving Pam an eviction notice. I am going to just try and be happy with what I have and how I am.
What does your inner voice say to you?