By Rachel H, www.triadsmartypants.com/
Life is funny. Experiences are funny. They are especially funny when they happen to someone else. Thought I’d let you enjoy some amusement today at my expense by reading things that I learned the hard way. And please share some of your own by commenting at the end!
-If you start to feel queasy, nauseous, or sick prior to getting on a plane … do not get on the plane. The pilot cannot take off when someone is stuck in the bathroom. You may just have to exit the plane with sheer embarrassment so the rest of the passengers can get on their way.
-Piggy backing on the above comment, always check the barf bags on the plane. Did you know that yours may have a hole in the bottom?
-When deciding to cliff dive on your honeymoon, make sure you learn the correct position in which to land. A shot in the rear from a Jamaican doctor is not a honeymoon dream.
-When you get a spider bite on your rear, the doctor does in fact need to see it before prescribing an antibiotic, even if he is your husband’s best friend.
-When your child takes a sippy cup of milk into the car, make sure he always brings it back out with him.
-Don’t try a new recipe when you have your in-laws over for dinner.
-Potato skins do not go in the garbage disposal.
-Male babies can pee in their own mouths quite easily when you are changing their diapers.
-When you have a secret crush on a guy in your class and you doodle his name all over your folder and stare at him and call him on the phone just to hear his voice, it’s really not a secret. He knows. Actually, the whole school probably knows.
-Grandmas can lose their balance and fall on your baby as they try to lean over them while they are playing on the floor.
-A child’s voice is amplified when in a restroom or dressing room.
-When taking any kind of pill, put it straight into your mouth when children are around. Don’t set it next to your glass of water while you run to answer the phone. The black tar they make kids drink at the ER is nasty.
-Check the batteries in all toys before leaving on a trip. Charge the camera as well.
-When a child says they think they might have to throw up … they usually throw up within one second of uttering that statement.
-When a squirrel is trapped inside your house, open all the doors and windows and then sit outside and watch for him to exit. Do not assume he got out the same way he got in. He is probably still in there. And he could possibly sleeping in the room with your youngest child every night.
-When your mom joins Facebook, she finds out way more about you than you had ever intended.
-If you ever pull over on the side of a highway, do not open the door if an 18-wheeler is passing by. Just the force of the wind is enough to blast your door into the hood of the car. (It especially helps if you do not do this in the rain.)
-There are no places to stop to use the bathroom on a large stretch of I-40 East after you pass over I-77.
-If you ever go to a NASCAR race, let it be known that people on the infield often rent their own personal port-o-potty and are not too happy when you decide to use it.
-Never assume that a younger girl with an older man is his daughter. It could very well be his date.
Hope you enjoyed these. And yes, oh yes, they did all happen to me! Now come on, get some guts and share your own…
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This is so funny. I have one – never assume a woman is pregnant unless you actually see her giving birth! I am sure that one has happened to many of us!And – when your Mother IN LAW joins facebook, she learns way more about you than you had ever intended. Not good.
Or worse, when your mother in law joins facebook, you learn more about her than you ever intended.
This is hilarious!! I second the reference to pregnant moms! If you don't see her in labor, then she may not be prego!!
I totally agree with the Facebook comments! When my mom joined, she tried to friend me, and I politely explained that I would not be accepting it because that was a part of my life she didn't need to be involved in or know anything about. And no, she did NOT take it well. But she did get over it. Eventually. I think.
If you've memorized someone's name wrong and you can't seem to get it right – do NOT call her by name and make the same mistake over and over. – ugh – so embarassing for both of you!
The anonymous above reminded me of one I should have added! A girl I went to college with called me Rebecca for all four years instead of Rachel. At first I wanted to say something, but then it got to the point that I know she would have been humiliated. So, I just started answering to Rebecca! :)Love the mother-in-law joining Facebook. Too funny!
This a hilarious post. Thanks for the laugh. On the theme of airline barf bags … carrying a (unused) airline barf bag in your purse is a dead give-away to your co-workers that you're pregnant! I'd flown in for a mtg and did not have time to get organized between the airport and the mtg so my secret was out way earlier than I expected.
If I am on an elevator, and the woman next to me gives birth I will look and the baby and say, "hmmm…where did they come from?" I will never assume a pregnancy unless be directly told by the expecting mother!
glad to see i'm not the only person who has not "friended" my in-laws on facebook!
Well, you all had me scared since my mother-in-law asked to friend me on facebook, and I didn't have the guts to reject it! I just went on facebook, and under the privacy settings, you can custom who sees your posts (status updates, etc), as well as who can see your friends posts to your wall or status updates. In privacy, go to profile information, and you should find a few options! Hope this helps some of you. I don't think the person is notified of this, it just wont show up on their facebook page!
never listen to your husband when he says "you still have like 30 miles left in your car when the fuel light comes on" and you have your 3 and 5 year olds in the car with a mile left to go to get to chickfila at 11:30!
Love the comment about baby boys peeing in their own mouths and even eyes… this happened to me at the doctors office and the nurse kept asking if I wanted her to finishing up changing my son… they must have thought I was the worst mother!
Rachel<That is hilarious.